Introducing A Mother's Day True-to-Life Greeting Card Collection at The Real Adoptea Moxie Emporium
Have you ever thought about how Mother's Day feels to the adoptees who find a grave when they search for their biological mothers?
The Real Adoptea Moxie Emporium has launched a True-to-Life Mother's Day Greeting Card Collection, a new twist on the mainstream greeting cards that never seem to have the right sentiments for many. Mother's Day is so complex and multilayered for so many of us.
I have always had difficulty finding the right greeting cards for my many "mothers." So many of the mushy sentimental cards that were available just didn't fit how I felt about any of my mothers, and once upon a time, I had three to navigate. My biological mother, my adoptive mother, and my stepmother.
Have you ever thought about how Mother's Day feels to the adoptees who find a grave when they search for their biological mothers? Or how Mother's Day might feel for the adoptee who was rejected when they found their biological mother or who had estranged relationships with their adoptive mothers?
Biological Mother Greeting Cards:
It would be obvious why I would have a hard time finding the right card for my biological mother. She resigned all rights to parent me, and at 28 years old, she wasn't a young mother as many adoptees find. I learned that she had an affair with a close family friend, who was married and approximately ten years older than she was. She was going to her grave, never telling me who my birth father was or my truth. She met me once but didn't want to meet me at all.
Over twenty years passed, and I silently hoped she would change her mind about me. I sent her many generic, unfitting cards and letters and knew where she lived. I tried to call her, but nothing. As you can see, none of the mainstream greeting card collections had anything to fit this complex scenario, but I kept trying.
Aside from creating this line for adoptees to have cards to give their biological mothers, I have also added many cards to honor biological mothers on Mother's Day from others who know and love them. Why would I create these cards? Because at the end of the day, their loss is excruciating, and no matter what the world says, they are still a Mother. I have learned that Mother's Day is challenging for them to navigate. This collection will acknowledge that pain and allow loved ones to send a greeting card of comfort for the woman they treasure. Let's be honest: so much of the time, they are told to "move on and get over it," but from all the biological mothers I've connected with over the last fifteen years, they are hardly able to do that. Grief is a lifelong visitor, and the loss of their child is never forgotten.
Adoptive Mom Greeting Cards:
So many adoptees have lovely and caring experiences with their adoptive moms, but I wasn't one of those adoptees. I know countless adoptees who have the same experience. My adoptive mom suffered from a significant untreated mental illness. As the baby that was adopted to replace her biological children, it was clear from the very beginning she only adopted to have a servant or two that catered to her every want and need but also to step into alignment and care for her in her old age.
She didn't adopt for me. She adopted for her. It was clear when my adoptive dad said, "We should have never adopted you because she couldn't take care of the first baby!" Things got tough for him, and after adopting two daughters who were born 11 months apart from different families, he split. He divorced her, even knowing she couldn't care for us, and moved away.
My adoptive mom thrived off mushy, sentimental "feelings," and it almost seemed to feed her narcissistic supply. I always leaned towards funny cards for her because I didn't feel all the feelings about her that she wanted me to feel. Almost always, finding a funny card was a stretch and a struggle at best. The most significant memories I have of her were manipulating her daughters against one another, lying in the street, and using her pill addiction and suicide attempts to control the household. It was extremely traumatic, at best. Finding a card to fit her was frustrating and impossible. Not anymore.
Hopefully, if you are an adoptee reading this, you had a better experience with your adoptive mom, and in that case, the mainstream greeting cards might fit your experience better.
Step Mother Greeting Cards:
None of the mainstream Mother's Day cards fit for my stepmother. N O N E. We had a rocky relationship for as long as I can remember, and I lost all respect for her when I learned of her cheating on my adoptive dad and being a liar, even pushing her children to lie for her. She was cold as ice, and I felt it towards me my whole life. Looking back, she wasn't warm or loving, and now I don't think she had it in her to be that way. But being the adopted stepchild, I felt like the adopted stepchild.
I can't even remember buying her a card because none fit. But today, if I had it to do all over and knew then what I know now, I would have likely sent her a card like the one below, but it wouldn't have been for me. It would have been for my adoptive dad. After X'd her out of my life, he begged me to forgive her because he said it was too late for him to start over; she would take everything he had spent his whole life building. I was civil to her but only to him.
Open Adoptions Closing Greeting Cards for Biological Mothers on Mother's Day:
This collection packs a powerful punch because these women were betrayed unimaginably. Imagine embarking on the journey of open adoption, thinking you are doing the best thing for your child, only to have the adoptive parents betray your agreement and slam the door shut. There is nothing you can legally do about it. It happens all the time.
Click here to visit the Open Adoption Collection.
You will find a variety of True-to-Life greeting cards for countless unique scenarios we might or might not have with our many mothers. While I have poured my heart and soul into these greeting cards, I am just beginning. The True-to-Life greeting card collection will grow, and I would love to create something specific for you and your situation if you don't see something that fits. Please message me here and let me know what you are looking for.
The Mother's Day Collection can be found here: True-to-Life Mother's Day Greeting Card Collection.
Recently, I created this true-to-life greeting card that leans toward family preservation, which we should all support. It's a perfect card for a biological mother considering adoption to offer a lifeline of support, but I will warn you - It's a hard card to read, but it's meant to be that way. We can't keep sugarcoating the damage of maternal separation.
This card is called “You Are Enough, Please Don’t Leave.” Imagine getting this into the hands of each of the scared mothers who seek out the pregnancy crisis centers instead of trying to lure their babies away from them. Imagine if everyone wanted to help mothers keep their babies.
Front of Card: "Smile through the pain, separation trauma is real, grief that lasts forever, love isn't enough, I'll miss you forever, you are enough, unbreakable bonds, I'm sad, help me, please don't leave, I'll miss you every day, the agencies won't tell you, inconsolable grief, move on, get over it, brokenhearted, all I need is you, you are worthy, I love you so much, I cry for you everyday, please don't leave, where are you?, I need you, please."
Inside Card: "You can do this. You are enough. How can I help?."
The True-to-Life Father’s Day Greeting Card collection is up next! Don’t forget to use code “TWENTYONE” at checkout for 21% off every order, all the time. Why 21? I was 21 years old when I found my biological mother.
Special thanks to each of you who has supported this long overdue project. Overall, I hope these cards validate the experiences of adoptees, LDAs, MPEs, NPEs, DNA Surprise, and donor-conceived individuals and comfort them in times of sadness. I hope they also spark meaningful and necessary conversations about adoption.
I see you; I feel your pain for all the adoptees who feel forgotten, lost, and alone. Please don’t give up, and know you aren’t alone in feeling like you do.
I have compiled a list of recommended resources for adoptees and advocates. It can be found here: Recommended Resources for Adult Adoptees and Adoption Advocates.
Thank you for reading and for supporting me and my work. Please consider sharing with those you know and in your adoption circles. A little understanding goes a long way.
Understanding is Love,
Pamela A. Karanova
Here are a few articles I recommend reading:
100 Heartfelt Transracial Adoptee Quotes that Honor the Truth of Adoption by Pamela A. Karanova & 100 Transracial Adoptees Worldwide
What Are the Mental Health Effects of Being Adopted? By Therodora Blanchfield, AMFT
10 Things Adoptive Parents Should Know – An Adoptee’s Perspective by Cristina Romo
Understanding Why Adoptees Are At A Higher Risk for Suicide by Maureen McCauley | Light of Day Stories
Toward Preventing Adoption- Related Suicide by Mirah Riben
Relationship Between Adoption and Suicide Attempts: A Meta-Analysis
Reckoning with The Primal Wound Documentary with a 10% off coupon code (25 available) “adopteesconnect”
Still, Grieving Adoptee Losses, What My Adoptive Parents Could Have Done Differently.