The Influence of Adoptees Who Are Living Out Loud About Adoption
Complex adoptee layers that begin with being rejected before being born, separation trauma at birth, and being abandoned when I entered the world were trapped inside, tormenting me.
Have you ever wondered why some adoptees stay silent or don't speak out loud or publicly about their feelings about adoption? I have noticed many adoptees are lip locked, and some are much more outspoken about their adoption experiences than others. I have a few thoughts on why this happens in the adoption community.
Anytime an adoptee shares their story out loud or snippets on social media by writing, podcasts, books, memoirs, art, plays, music, etc., they are taking a risk.
What kind of risk?
There is a risk of upsetting their adoptive parents or birth parents, and in many cases, both. They risk upsetting their siblings, extended family members, and even friends of the families. Fear is at its root and can paralyze many of us into silence and compliancy to follow the "grateful adoptee" narrative, even when some of us are anything but grateful. If non-adoptees could feel this fear for one minute, I am confident they would understand why adoptees stay silent.
Being adopted and severed from our biological connections at no choice of our own, we are placed in the center of what feels like a tsunami of emotions that are challenging to process, let alone feeling the complex emotions that come from relinquishment trauma.
Adoptees may keep quiet about their feelings about adoption for various reasons. Firstly, some adoptees may feel a sense of gratitude towards their adoptive parents and fear that expressing any negative or conflicted feelings could be seen as ungrateful or hurtful. They may worry about disappointing their adoptive parents, who have provided them with a home and family.
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