Today Marks 50 Years of Survival: My Journey Through Adoption and Suicidality, A Personal Invitation
Nothing would mean more to me today than knowing that this vital conversation and book is reaching more ears, more hearts, and more minds.
Today, I celebrate my 50th birthday—a milestone that feels particularly poignant as I reflect on the intersections of Adoption, Suicidality, and the journey that brought me here.
Yesterday, a book close to my heart, Adoption & Suicidality, was launched—a collaboration between 17 courageous authors, including myself, who have been deeply impacted by these very issues. This book is more than a collection of essays; it is a raw, unflinching look at the dark realities many adoptees face and the silent struggles that too often go unnoticed. Each person in this collaboration shares an extraordinary place in my heart, and they always will.
Why am I sharing this on my 50th birthday?
Nothing would mean more to me today than knowing that this vital conversation and book is reaching more ears, more hearts, and more minds. This book isn't just for those directly impacted by Adoption; it's for anyone who cares about understanding the full picture of what Adoption entails— to the general audience, it's a beautiful thing, but to most adoptees, it's a tremendous burden rooted in grief, loss, and trauma that too many of us carry alone.
For many adoptees, adoption is a destructive force that tears apart our lives. It rips us from our roots, severs our identities, and leaves us to navigate a world where we are expected to be grateful for the very trauma inflicted upon us. Adoption isn't a gift; it's a life sentence of unresolved grief, abandonment, and a deep, unrelenting sense of loss. Yes, many of us can find some healing and happiness despite this reality, but the wounds of secrecy, lies, separation trauma, grief, loss and being gaslit to be grateful are wounds that will never fully heal for some of us.
We are expected to conform, to silence our pain, and to play the role of the "happy adoptee," all while the very essence of who we are is stolen from us—the adoption industry profits off our pain, commodifying human lives for the benefit of others. We are left to pick up the pieces of an identity shattered by a system that prioritizes the desires of adoptive parents over the well-being of the children they claim to love. Adoption isn't a solution—it's a problem, a problem that needs to be brought into the light.
Adoptees are overrepresented in prisons, jails, mental health facilities, and treatment centers. Shockingly, we are four times more likely to take our own lives compared to our non-adopted peers. These are not just statistics—they are lives, stories, and loved ones lost too soon. As an adoptee, I've seen and lived through the challenges that come with being separated from your biological roots, and I've witnessed firsthand the toll it can take on one's mental, physical, and emotional health.
Consider Reading: 100 Heartfelt Adoptee Quotes That Honor The Truth of Adoption.
We cannot afford to stay silent. The Troubled Teen Industry is riddled with adoptees who have been cast aside, often in the name of "Tough Love," which ends up causing more harm. The adoption narrative often overlooks these hard truths, and that's why we must speak out—why we must share our stories, even when they are painful.
This book is not just a collection of essays—it's a lifeline, a beacon of hope, and a call to action. For my 50th birthday, I'm asking you to consider purchasing a copy of Adoption & Suicidality for yourself, a friend, or someone you know who has been impacted by Adoption. Let this be a gift to me and to the countless adoptees who need their stories heard and their pain acknowledged.
Maybe you are the grandparents of an adoptee, a therapist, or a teacher? Perhaps you have a best friend who's adopted or a co-worker who speaks of being adopted? The bottom line is that if you know or love an adoptee or anyone impacted by Adoption in some way, this book is for you.
If you feel moved, I invite you to buy an extra copy and send it to someone who could benefit from understanding these issues more deeply. Whether it's a loved one, a mental health professional, or an adoptive parent, this book has the power to change minds and, I believe, save lives.
Consider Reading: 100 Transracial Adoptee Quotes That Honor The Truth of Adoption.
Thank you for standing with me on this day, acknowledging the weight of these topics, and helping to bring light to the often-hidden struggles of adoptees everywhere. Together, we can make a difference.
Adoption & Suicidality is now available on Amazon and Kindle, and the audio version will be released soon. Let's spread the word and ensure that no adoptee ever feels alone in their journey.
Unravling Adoption is hosting a virtual book launch event, free to anyone who wants to join. I will be there for the first hour, and I hope to see some familiar faces. I am excited to support this cause. Click here to register.
How Many Adoptees Feel About Birthdays:
For many adoptees, birthdays can be a source of profound pain rather than celebration. These annual reminders often amplify feelings of loss, abandonment, and disconnection from their origins. A birthday marks the day an adoptee was separated from their biological family, a day that symbolizes the beginning of their journey through adoption—a journey that may be filled with unanswered questions, identity struggles, and emotional turmoil.
The societal expectation to feel joyful on birthdays can clash with the internal reality of grief and longing, making this day an emotionally complex experience. For some adoptees, birthdays are a stark reminder of the life they might have had, the people they might have known, and the unanswered questions about where they come from. This complexity can turn what is traditionally a day of joy into one of the most challenging days of the year for many adoptees.
Consider Reading: How Adoptees Feel About Birthdays.
Something I wrote about Turning 50 Today:
At fifty, life's canvas unfurls an adoptee's journey, a tapestry of worlds. From whispered secrets to truths hard-won, the search for self is never truly done.
Born of two hearts, yet placed in strange arms, A puzzle of identity, with all its charms. Years of longing, eyes looking afar, For glimpses of a mother, a father, a star.
Each birthday is a milestone, a silent wish for roots to hold, for love to cherish. At fifty, the echoes of youth fade, but the strength of a survivor is vividly displayed.
Years of questions, some answered, some not, were fought in the heart's hidden chambers. The child within, with eyes so wide, now meets the woman with nothing to hide.
The mirror reflects a face, familiar yet new, Lines of wisdom, scars of the truth. A life lived in fragments now seeks to unite the pieces of the past with the strength of the light.
At fifty, a celebration of spirit untamed, Of a soul that refuses to be named. By adoption alone, but by love and fight, a testament to enduring light.
Embrace this half-century with grace and pride, For in every adoptee, a warrior resides. The journey continues, with each step bold, At fifty, your story, in full, unfolds.
With All My Heart,
Pamela A. Karanova
I see you; I feel your pain for all the adoptees who feel forgotten, lost, and alone. Please don’t give up, and know you aren’t alone in feeling like you do.
I have compiled a list of recommended resources for adoptees and advocates. It can be found here: Recommended Resources for Adult Adoptees and Adoption Advocates.
Thank you for reading and for supporting me and my work.
Understanding is Love,Â
Pamela A. KaranovaÂ
The Real Adoptea Moxie is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Subscribed
Here are some of the writing pieces I’m the proudest of:
Adoption: Mislabeled, Medicated, & Diagnosed Adoptees Could Be Grieving Profoundly.
The Perplexity of Forced Bonding in Adoption - I share my thoughts on the bonding process in adoption.
100 Heartfelt Transracial Adoptee Quotes that Honor the Truth of Adoption - 100 Transracial Adoptees come together to share feelings on how adoption has impacted them.
Adoptees, Why Are You So Angry? - Adoptees share feelings on why they are angry.
Why Do Adoptees Search? An Adoptee Collaboration - Many adoptees experience why they choose to search for biological families.
100 Heartfelt Adoptee Quotes that Honor the Truth of Adoption - 100 Adoptees come together to share heartfelt feelings on how adoption has made them feel.
My Friend Has an Adopted Child, and They Don’t Have Any Issues with Being Adopted - Shining a light on the comment so many adoptees hear over and over.
Here are some of the articles I have been featured in:
These Adoptees Refuse to Be Christian Pro-Life Poster Kids by Kathryn Post of Religious News Service.
Toward Preventing Adoption- Related Suicide by Mirah Riben.
Before a month celebrating adoption, a day to recognize adoptees’ trauma by Religion News Service.
Bringing Adult Adoptee Issues to Light by Angela Burton of Next Avenue.
This post! It is everything. 50 looks good on you. Having your freedom and agency- all of it. Thank you for all you do. Great resources. Honored to be in your world.
🎉Congratulations, Pamela✨Thank u for being so strong and true💕leading the way to build a New Earth founded in unarmed truths, unconditional love, and equitable, dignified social contracts🗽We are so grateful🎉