Understanding Closed Adoption: History, Harms, and the Urgent Call for Truth & Transparency
Throughout my life, I have reached out, desperate for a lifeline, but the secrecy and silence surrounding closed adoption have kept me submerged.
“There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.” – Desmond Tutu
As an adult adoptee, being adopted from a closed adoption has made me feel like I’m drowning in an ocean of despair and unanswered questions. For the majority of my life, it’s been a constant struggle to keep my head above water, gasping for air as waves of confusion, grief, loss, heartbreak, and pain crash over me. The weight I used to feel of not knowing my origins pulled me down, a relentless current of identity crisis and emotional and mental turmoil. Throughout my life, I have reached out, desperate for a lifeline, but the secrecy and silence surrounding closed adoption have kept me submerged.
At times, it has felt like an endless fight against the tide, with no shore in sight, just the cold, dark expanse of uncertainty stretching out before me. The isolation is suffocating, and the effort to stay afloat has a way of draining my strength, leaving me exhausted and overwhelmed. This is the cruel reality of closed adoption – a constant battle to breathe, to find solid ground while feeling like I’m drowning in a sea of lost connections and shattered pieces of my identity.
I have been wanting to highlight the topic of closed adoption because I was adopted in a closed adoption, and I know firsthand through my lived experiences how detrimental it is to adoptees. The heartache is a relentless shadow, the pain an unending echo, and the agony a constant companion. It's like being trapped in a room with no windows, where the air is thick with unanswered questions, and the walls are lined with the faces of strangers who should have been familiar. The gnawing void of my true heritage used to haunt me daily, a ghost of the life I was severed from.
I have spent a decade and a half trying to heal as an adoptee. For most of my life, adoption has almost killed me, and now I am killing myself trying to heal. The heart-wrenching reality is that only in the last five years have I found some semblance of freedom by working tirelessly to process all my grief, loss, abandonment, rejection, and the myriad feelings associated with this gigantic wound that relinquishment and adoption have left.
My time is running out; my life is over half over if I’m lucky, and grief, loss, separation trauma, and adoption trauma wounds have consumed me. The relentless pain and the exhausting, never-ending effort to heal from it have dominated my existence. It has literally taken most of my life and taken me away from my children’s lives, and I hate it. The anger burns within me because this monumental struggle should never have been mine to bear. Adoption has stolen years of my life, years that could have been spent living instead of merely surviving.
Closed adoption is not just a legal procedure; it's a life sentence of identity crisis, of searching for pieces of myself in a puzzle with missing parts. This experience is a raw, visceral wound that never fully heals, bleeding into every aspect of my existence. When healing does happen, it demands a lifetime of effort, consuming valuable time, energy, and money that non-adopted individuals rarely have to spend on such deep emotional recovery.
Not many people start life with such gigantic wounds the moment they take their first breath as adoptees do. The torment of not knowing, of feeling perpetually lost, is a silent scream that echoes through the years, a testament to the cruel reality of closed adoption.
What Is Closed Adoption?
For those who might not be familiar, closed adoption is a type of adoption where there is no contact or exchange of information between the birth parents and the adoptive family. This means that the birth parents' identities and backgrounds are kept private, and the adoptee will not have access to this information. Closed adoption was commonly practiced throughout the 20th century, and its harmful effects have been profound for all adopted individuals involved.
Let's not forget about all the grief and loss inherent in closed adoption, which negatively impacts every adoptee's life involved in this complex process. Adoptees face the profound loss of their biological heritage, grappling with an identity crisis and a pervasive sense of abandonment.
The Origins of Closed Adoption
The history of closed adoption in the United States is intricately tied to the era of the orphan trains, a movement that began in the mid-19th century. From 1854 to 1929, the Children's Aid Society and other organizations transported approximately 250,000 orphaned and abandoned children from overcrowded cities in the East to rural areas in the Midwest. These orphan trains aimed to place children in homes where they could work and be cared for, but the reality was often harsh and unregulated. The children, plucked from urban slums and immigrant families, were frequently treated as laborers rather than as members of the family. Many were separated from their siblings and stripped of their identities, with little to no record of their origins preserved.
The orphan trains laid the groundwork for the concept of closed adoption, where the identities of birth parents were concealed, and adoptive families were considered the child's only family. This practice was seen as a way to provide children with a "fresh start" and protect the privacy of birth parents, often unwed mothers facing societal stigma. As the 20th century progressed, closed adoption became the standard practice, reinforced by social attitudes that prioritized secrecy and the creation of a "blank slate" for both the child and the adoptive family.
The closed adoption model, with its roots in the orphan train movement, was deeply flawed. It failed to acknowledge the inherent need for identity and connection to one's biological heritage. Birth records were sealed, and adoptees were often left in the dark about their origins, leading to lifelong struggles with identity and belonging. The lack of transparency and access to birth information causes immense emotional pain for many adoptees, who find themselves grappling with unanswered questions about their heritage and familial ties.
Social workers also influenced the shift towards closed adoption, the adoption industry, and adoption agencies who believed that secrecy would prevent the stigma associated with illegitimacy and create stronger bonds within adoptive families. However, this well-intentioned practice resulted in psychological harm for adoptees and birth parents alike, who were left to navigate their grief and loss in isolation.
Understanding the history of closed adoption and its connection to orphan trains is crucial in recognizing the long-term impact of these practices. It underscores the importance of transparency, open records, and the right of adoptees to access their biological histories.
The Harms of Closed Adoption
However, the reality of closed adoption has proven to be far more complex and detrimental, particularly for adoptees. The lack of access to one's biological roots can lead to significant emotional and psychological distress.
Here are some of the critical harms associated with closed adoption:
1. Identity Struggles: Adoptees often grapple with questions about their origins and identity. Knowing where we come from is fundamental to our sense of self, and the secrecy of closed adoption denies adoptees this essential knowledge.
2. Psychological Impact: Studies have shown that adoptees are at a higher risk of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and PTSD. The absence of information about their biological family can exacerbate these issues, leading to feelings of abandonment and low self-worth. Adoptees are overrepresented in mental health facilities.
3. Increased Suicide Rates: The suicide rate among adoptees is significantly higher compared to the general population. The secrecy and lack of transparency in closed adoptions contribute to a sense of isolation and hopelessness that can drive these tragic outcomes.
4. Medical History: Access to one's medical history is crucial for proper healthcare. Adoptees in closed adoptions are often deprived of vital genetic information that could inform their medical care and that of their future children.
5. Substance Use: Adoptees tend to have a higher rate of substance addiction compared to non-adoptees. Research shows that adopted individuals are more likely to experience mental health challenges, such as depression and anxiety, which can lead to substance abuse. Adoptees are overrepresented in treatment facilities.
6. Incarceration: Statistics indicate that adoptees are overrepresented in prisons and jails compared to the general population. This disparity underscores the need to consider various factors, including the impact of adoption-related trauma and identity issues, alongside socioeconomic factors and support system access.
The trauma of separation from biological parents, feelings of abandonment, and identity confusion often contribute to this vulnerability. Additionally, genetic factors may play a role, as adoptees might inherit a predisposition to addiction from their biological parents, which is usually hidden from them. These factors underscore the need for targeted support and intervention for adoptees.
As an adult adoptee from a closed adoption, I can attest to the profound psychological harm it inflicts. Stripped of my biological origins, I have been left grappling with an unending sense of loss and identity crisis. The gnawing void of not knowing my true heritage has bred a lifelong quest for self-understanding, often marked by feelings of abandonment, rejection, and profound grief. This relentless search for identity parallels Stockholm syndrome, where I, much like a captive, developed complex emotional bonds with my adoptive parents despite the inherent trauma of my severed biological connections. The enforced facade of familial love felt like a betrayal, masking the raw wounds of my disrupted origins.
Closed adoption, in its secrecy, perpetuates a cycle of mental agony, leaving me and most adoptees to navigate a labyrinth of unanswered questions and unacknowledged pain. The torment of adoptees being forever cut off from our roots is akin to psychological torture, eroding our sense of self and leaving scars that may never fully heal. This emotional burden, coupled with societal expectations to feel grateful, exacerbates the internal conflict, making an adoptee's journey one of silent suffering and enduring trauma.
The Case for Open Adoption That Is Not Legally Binding
While open adoption, where there is some level of interaction or information exchange between birth parents and adoptive families, open adoption is not legally binding. Promises of ongoing contact or information sharing can be broken, leaving adoptees and biological parents and their families in a treacherous and unstable situation.
Open adoption, often heralded as a better alternative to closed adoption, harbors a host of its own serious issues that can be equally damaging. Imagine the torment of having mere crumbs of your biological connections, the agony of limited contact with your biological parents and siblings. The constant yearning to be with them, yet being denied full access is a cruel emotional rollercoaster. If the open adoption includes in-person visits, the child is retraumatized every time they leave their biological family's presence, tearing open wounds that never have the chance to heal. This cycle of hope and despair is profoundly harmful.
Additionally, knowing that open adoptions aren't legally binding, with adoptive parents able to sever these precious ties at any moment, adds a layer of uncertainty and fear. The dread of losing even the limited connection is a shadow that looms constantly. Open adoption, in its fragility and unpredictability, can be just as dangerous, agonizing, and as awful as closed adoption. We cannot assume open adoption is better, as it often leaves the child in a perpetual state of limbo, grappling with emotional turmoil and the painful reality of being torn between two worlds.
The Need for Truth and Transparency
Every adopted individual deserves to know who they are and where they came from, no matter how complex their truth is. The secrecy of closed adoption is a form of emotional torture, depriving adoptees of their history and identity. Here are some steps we can take to support truth and transparency in adoption:
1. Legal Reform: Laws must change to ensure that open adoptions are legally binding, with enforceable agreements that guarantee ongoing contact and access to information.
2. Support Systems: Providing robust support systems for adoptees, birth families, and adoptive families can help manage the complexities of open adoption.
3. Education and Awareness: Raising awareness about the harms of closed adoption and adoption in general and advocating for truth and transparency can help shift public perception and policy.
4. Access to Records: Adoptees should have unrestricted access to their birth records and medical histories. This access is a fundamental human right and essential for their well-being.
5. Allyship: Adult adoptees rely on non-adoptees to be allies in shedding light on the realities and potential harms of adoption. Allies amplify adoptee voices, advocate for adoptee rights, and challenge misconceptions. Their support helps foster a more inclusive dialogue and promotes transparency and ethical practices in adoption. This collaboration encourages broader understanding and compassion towards adoptee issues in both communities and policymaking.
Closed adoption laws are outdated relics of a bygone era, remnants of a social experiment that has caused untold suffering. These laws, designed in a time when secrecy and anonymity were deemed protective, fail to consider the lifelong trauma inflicted on both adoptees and their biological families. Enforcing closed adoption severs vital connections, leaving adoptees in a perpetual state of identity crisis and emotional turmoil.
It also condemns biological parents to a lifetime of unanswered questions and unrelenting grief. This archaic system, which once aimed to create a clean slate, instead fosters an environment of hidden pain and unresolved loss. As society evolves and becomes more transparent, it's clear that these closed adoption practices are not only outdated but extraordinarily harmful and fundamentally flawed.
They ignore the essential human need for connection and understanding, revealing the deeply flawed nature of this social experiment that prioritizes secrecy over healing and wholeness. Every adoptee deserves to know their origins, and our collective responsibility is to advocate for truth and transparency in adoption practices. By doing so, we can help adoptees heal and thrive, ensuring that their identities and histories are honored and respected.
Listening to adoptees and sharing their experiences and stories is not just essential but a matter of life and death. The lived experiences of adoptees provide invaluable insights into the complexities and emotional nuances of adoption, often overlooked by society. By giving voice to adoptees, we acknowledge their expertise as the true experts in the adoption constellation. Their stories shed light on the profound impact of adoption, from identity struggles to the grief of separation.
How many more adoptees must die from the torment of closed adoption before society realizes that withholding their truth is never in anyone's best interest? How many more adoptees will end up in prisons, jails, and mental health facilities or tragically take their own lives due to the profound harms of closed adoption? It's time to confront the stark reality: denying adoptees access to their origins perpetuates trauma, fuels identity crises, and undermines their fundamental human right to know who they are. We cannot afford to ignore these devastating consequences any longer. Adoptees deserve the truth and the support to navigate their identities with dignity and clarity, free from the shadows cast by closed adoption practices.
Dear Members of the Adoption Constellation:
Join us for our Adoption: Grieve, Grow, Glo one-on-one transformative Grief Recovery Method Workshops, designed especially for anyone in the adoption constellation, but specifically adoptees. In a compassionate and supportive environment, we address the profound impacts of closed adoptions, guiding you through the journey of grief toward healing and renewal. Connect with someone who understands your experiences, learn practical tools for recovery, and find solace and growth in our welcoming community.
Let's grieve, grow, and glo together.
Click here to register today!
For my subscribers, thank you for valuing the experiences of adoptees and contributing to a more compassionate, truthful, and informed dialogue around adoption. Your openness gives hope and understanding to those willing to listen and learn. Your support is vital in fostering healing and change and ensuring that the voices of those most affected are heard and respected.
If you've been moved by the insights shared here, consider spreading this message within your adoption-centric communities and online platforms. By sharing this information, you have the power to educate others and ignite crucial conversations about the realities and challenges faced by adoptees. Your action could make a profound difference—bringing awareness to the harmful impacts of closed adoption, fostering empathy, and advocating for reforms that prioritize adoptee rights and well-being. Together, we can create a more compassionate and informed society where every adoptee's voice is heard, respected, and valued. Sharing this can save lives and spark positive change.
Recommended Resource & Upcoming Webinar
Growth and Transformation for Adoptees by Simon Benn of Thriving Adoptees Podcast and Jude Hung.
Date and time -Wed, 17 Jul 2024 12:00 - 13:00 GMT-4
The need to heal the “Primal Wound” assumes we are wounded. It is important to remember that it's based on the perspective of adoptive mother, Nancy Verrier, NOT an adoptee. It can leave us feeling:
stuck with the belief we cannot heal.
unsure of what to do next for the best.
pathologized for an event we had no choice in.
More and more adoptees are questioning the wound narrative and wanting to take back their power.
Post Traumatic Growth is an altogether more empowering, hopeful, and positive perspective that allows us to do exactly that. And yet, we don't hear about PTG nearly as much as PTSD and Complex PTSD.
Click Here to Register for this powerful free live event and replay.
Q & A
Adoptees, How has closed adoption impacted your sense of identity and self-understanding?
What challenges have you faced in navigating relationships and family dynamics as a result of closed adoption?
In what ways has the lack of access to your birth history and origins affected your mental health and emotional well-being?
Have you experienced barriers in accessing essential medical or genetic information due to closed adoption?
What support or resources do you believe are essential for adoptees harmed by closed adoption to heal and reclaim their identity?
How can allies and the broader community best support adoptees in advocating for greater transparency and rights regarding adoption practices?
What advice would you give to adoptees currently struggling with the impacts of closed adoption?
I see you; I feel your pain for all the adoptees who feel forgotten, lost, and alone. Please don’t give up, and know you aren’t alone in feeling like you do.
I have compiled a list of recommended resources for adoptees and advocates. It can be found here: Recommended Resources for Adult Adoptees and Adoption Advocates.
Thank you for reading and for supporting me and my work.
Understanding is Love,
Pamela A. Karanova
Here are some of the writing pieces I’m the proudest of:
Adoption: Mislabeled, Medicated, & Diagnosed Adoptees Could Be Grieving Profoundly.
The Perplexity of Forced Bonding in Adoption - I share my thoughts on the bonding process in adoption.
100 Heartfelt Transracial Adoptee Quotes that Honor the Truth of Adoption - 100 Transracial Adoptees come together to share feelings on how adoption has impacted them.
Adoptees, Why Are You So Angry? - Adoptees share feelings on why they are angry.
Why Do Adoptees Search? An Adoptee Collaboration - Many adoptees experience why they choose to search for biological families.
100 Heartfelt Adoptee Quotes that Honor the Truth of Adoption - 100 Adoptees come together to share heartfelt feelings on how adoption has made them feel.
My Friend Has an Adopted Child, and They Don’t Have Any Issues with Being Adopted - Shining a light on the comment so many adoptees hear over and over.
Here are some of the articles I have been featured in:
These Adoptees Refuse to Be Christian Pro-Life Poster Kids by Kathryn Post of Religious News Service.
Toward Preventing Adoption- Related Suicide by Mirah Riben.
Before a month celebrating adoption, a day to recognize adoptees’ trauma by Religion News Service.
Bringing Adult Adoptee Issues to Light by Angela Burton of Next Avenue.
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