USPS Delivering Love and Light to Mailboxes Around the World.
I am introducing the first true-to-life greeting card collection, created by an Adoptee, for Adoptees, LDAs, DNA Surprises, NPEs, MPEs, Search Angels, and donor-conceived individuals.
I've had a personal issue checking the mail for a long time. Twenty-eight years, to be exact. Back in the day, I found my biological mother at twenty-one years old. I will never forget hearing her voice for the first time. I was utterly shocked that she was real, let alone on the other end of the phone.
I have a hard time putting into words the internal nagging and torment I felt for twenty-one years that led up to that point. I describe it as being at war within myself with no tools or ability to communicate that war. I will always remember making the call back in 1995 when we had no internet, cell phones, or connect groups, and I had zero fellow adoptee connections to fall back on. I was winging it with no support whatsoever.
The first time I called her, at twenty-one years old, the phone rang, and I heard a lady on the other end of the line say, "Hello."
I said, "Hello. I am looking for Arlene. I was born in Waterloo, Iowa, at St. Frances Hospital in August 1974. Does this date mean anything to you?"
All I hear is a "click."
She hung up on me.
"This must be a mistake," I said to myself. My adoptive mom told me she "loved me so much." so she would never purposely hang up on me. I called back.
She said, "Hello" again.
I quickly said, "Arlene, if this is you, please know I don't want anything from you, but I would love to get to know you and possibly have a few questions answered."
She said, "I am the woman you are looking for."
She told me she thought of me each year around my birthday, and while I was "over the moon" as this was the best day of my life, she didn't have much to say. Deep inside, I was dying to know if I looked like her. So I went out on a limb to ask her if I could send her a few pictures of me if she would send me a few pictures of her. She agreed that she would, and our entire phone call only lasted about 5 minutes.
I started preparing a letter to mail her and a small photo album with pictures of me as a baby. I wrote her a poem that said:
I will always remember sealing the small manilla envelope and waiting patiently for the mail, as she promised a return photo. About three days later, I started meeting the mailman at the mailbox daily. I was so eager to finally see her face that I couldn't contain myself. As days passed, anticipation built, and I grew more excited as I knew I would receive her photo any day.
Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and finally, I became so disappointed I was beside myself. I never heard a word from my birth mother, and she never contacted me to let me know she received my photos, poems, or letters. I would say disappointment was an understatement. I called her after months passed, only to get her voicemail each time.
I was perplexed because I was told, "She loved me so much," and I was standing on that. Never in a million years could I ever believe, at 21 years old, that my birth mother was rejecting me after I spent my entire life searching for her, dreaming about her, wanting and needing HER!
I had my one-year-old daughter to live for, but if I didn't, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be here right now. No one is prepared for that type of rejection, especially after believing the fairy tale narrative of adoption my whole life that was spoon-fed to me by my adoptive mom. It pacified me, but only for a short time.
I was constantly asking questions about my biological mother, only to be told repeatedly, "We don't have money for an attorney, but when we do, we will try to get the closed records open so you can find her." We didn't even own a car, so we would never have money for an attorney.
Checking the mail became an enormous trigger for me and created a daily source of sadness, a constant reminder that I was waiting for that letter. Little did I know I would be waiting forever. I never have and never will get that letter, picture, or card in the mail from my birth mother.
I treasure the words people write to me expressing their feelings about me, whether letters, cards, sticky notes, or even emails. I would have given anything to have one piece of writing that shared my birth mother's feelings so I could cherish it forever, and even seeing her writing just one time would have meant a lot to me.
Sadly, my birth mother passed away in 2010, and I ended up having the opportunity to meet her one time; aside from hearing her voice once, the best day of my life was the saddest. She didn't want to meet me, and she didn't want to be found. My half-biological sister talked her into it. We had about 2 hours together in 1996, and after that, she shut the door, locked it, and threw away the key. I never saw or heard from her again.
I was invited to her funeral in 2010. That is a whole article all by itself, but I will save that for another day.
Well, over 20+ years have passed, and not one time checking the mail do I not think about my birth mother, wishing, dreaming, fantasizing that letter would come one day. Even 14 years after her death, I can't seem to shake it or stop thinking about her when I check the mail.
So be it. That's just the cards I was dealt. However, it doesn't have to be this way for all adoptees. I keep sharing the painful pieces of my story in hopes that others in the adoption constellation will gain a better understanding of the different layers of pain that adoption causes. I hope the future generations of adoptees don't have to experience things like my era and those before me have.
I am sad that people don't use snail mail or write old-fashioned letters like they used to. For years, I have contemplated creating the True-to-Life Greeting card line, hoping it will be a lifeline to cheer someone's day up by getting something heartwarming in the mail. Finally, I have brought this vision to life, and here are a few of my favorite cards I designed.
I don't know about you, but I am excited to send love and light to my favorite friends and family's mailboxes, especially to the adoptees I know and love who have always struggled to buy the right cards for our loved ones.
I’m challenging myself to start writing letters to people, and when they open the mail, they have a greeting card that fits and a letter from me letting them know how I feel about them and how much I have cherished our memories and relationships. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, so I want the people who I’m close with to know how I feel while I’m here.
The Real Adoptea Moxie Emporium was launched publicly about five days ago. I have received 100% positive feedback and encouragement from all who have seen it. I can't wait to host pop-up events around my city and spark heartfelt conversations about adoption as people start asking questions about the cards.
I am delighted to watch this collection grow and add an anti-bullying and anti-cyberbullying collection for anyone who has been bullied, especially those who have been targeted by the bullying adoptee community that lurks in the shadows. I will also add an uncensored section and a “Real, Real, Wild” section that will be filled with Mother Nature and nature adventure greeting cards.
Consider Reading: Unveiling The Real Adotpea Moxie Emporium. This article shares some of the meanings of this true-to-life greeting card line.
For anyone reading who has made it this far, THANK YOU! I appreciate each of you and hope the new year is treating you well! I would love to challenge each person reading to consider taking up the art of mailing out some of the true-to-life collections to spread love and light in the mailboxes of those you love!
If you visit The Real Adoptea Moxie Emporium, don’t forget to use coupon code “TWENTYONE” at checkout for 21% off your order every day, all the time. Why 21%? Because I was 21 when I found and met my birth mother. Each item designed at The Real Adoptea Moxie Emporium becomes a bold and unique statement, and every true-to-life greeting card tells a story. www.therealadopteamoxie.com
I see you; I feel your pain for all the adoptees who feel forgotten, lost, and alone. Please don’t give up, and know you aren’t alone in feeling like you do.
I have compiled a list of recommended resources for adoptees and advocates. You can find it here: Recommended Resources for Adult Adoptees and Adoption Advocates.
Thank you for reading and for supporting me and my work.
Understanding is Love,
Pamela A. Karanova
The Real Adoptea Moxie is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Here are a few articles I recommend reading:
100 Heartfelt Transracial Adoptee Quotes that Honor the Truth of Adoption by Pamela A. Karanova & 100 Transracial Adoptees Worldwide
What Are the Mental Health Effects of Being Adopted? By Therodora Blanchfield, AMFT
10 Things Adoptive Parents Should Know – An Adoptee’s Perspective by Cristina Romo
Understanding Why Adoptees Are At A Higher Risk for Suicide by Maureen McCauley | Light of Day Stories
Toward Preventing Adoption- Related Suicide by Mirah Riben
Relationship Between Adoption and Suicide Attempts: A Meta-Analysis
Reckoning with The Primal Wound Documentary with a 10% off coupon code (25 available) “adopteesconnect”
Still, Grieving Adoptee Losses, What My Adoptive Parents Could Have Done Differently.
We LOVE that you have created these cards! Thank you for all you do Pamela to support our adoptee community! ~ Astrid