Nov 26, 2023Liked by Pamela A. Karanova

Thank you, this article really hit home with me. It took me many years to identify the lifelong sadness I've carried throughout my life. I finally figured it out this year. I had been suffering from deep depression for a year or so. Digging deep into my whys, I finally realized what I had been carrying for as long as I could remember... I missed my mother, I realized that knowing that she had passed and that I would never know her was embedded in my emotions and was causing me a constant feeling of loss and sadness.

I always imagined the same "birth mother" you described in your article. Beautiful, kind, perfect and completely opposite of my adoptive mom. After reading your experience I'm thinking maybe I'm better off not knowing. But I do know I missed her and I finally realized I would never get past the sadness and loss I felt until I greived. I allowed myself to feel, accept and grieve the loss of the mother I will never know. It was a hard process to go through but I now feel more peace inside. It's funny, but once I greived I felt more authentic and self accepting than I've ever felt before. I literally felt like I could be myself and not worry about those I love abandoning me. The grieving process helped me release the sadness and loss, its like it closed a door to a deep dark hole of despair.

I think it's important for adoptees to know that it's okay and necessary to grieve the loss of family and identity.

I am grateful for my adoptive parents, I know they did the best they knew how. I was given a good foundation to grow up in. But I never had support and nurture from my a mother, something I yearned for my whole life. I greived for the mother I imagined would have loved and nurtured me in the same manner I have loved and nurtured my own children and grandchildren.

Thank you again, Pamela. You are an amazing advocate for us all

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