While loss in life is inevitable, we are seldom equipped to navigate such losses. This reality is highly relevant in the adoption arena, especially for adoptees.
Thank you, this article really hit home with me. It took me many years to identify the lifelong sadness I've carried throughout my life. I finally figured it out this year. I had been suffering from deep depression for a year or so. Digging deep into my whys, I finally realized what I had been carrying for as long as I could remember... I missed my mother, I realized that knowing that she had passed and that I would never know her was embedded in my emotions and was causing me a constant feeling of loss and sadness.
I always imagined the same "birth mother" you described in your article. Beautiful, kind, perfect and completely opposite of my adoptive mom. After reading your experience I'm thinking maybe I'm better off not knowing. But I do know I missed her and I finally realized I would never get past the sadness and loss I felt until I greived. I allowed myself to feel, accept and grieve the loss of the mother I will never know. It was a hard process to go through but I now feel more peace inside. It's funny, but once I greived I felt more authentic and self accepting than I've ever felt before. I literally felt like I could be myself and not worry about those I love abandoning me. The grieving process helped me release the sadness and loss, its like it closed a door to a deep dark hole of despair.
I think it's important for adoptees to know that it's okay and necessary to grieve the loss of family and identity.
I am grateful for my adoptive parents, I know they did the best they knew how. I was given a good foundation to grow up in. But I never had support and nurture from my a mother, something I yearned for my whole life. I greived for the mother I imagined would have loved and nurtured me in the same manner I have loved and nurtured my own children and grandchildren.
Thank you again, Pamela. You are an amazing advocate for us all
Thank you so much for chiming in and sharing your thoughts here. I hear you and I feel your pain! I am so glad you were finally able to uncover what had been such a long time visitor and that is missing your mom! Why doesn't anyone help us acknowledge this when we are kids? What is so wrong with us wanting to miss our mothers? Literally, it's the most insane thing in the world to me. And I am so sorry for you and every adoptee that is denied this right. I am grateful once we piece things together and gain a glimmer of light that walks us out of the darkness. Grieving our losses is so extra important! Sending you lots of love! And mega hugs! <3
Thank you, this article really hit home with me. It took me many years to identify the lifelong sadness I've carried throughout my life. I finally figured it out this year. I had been suffering from deep depression for a year or so. Digging deep into my whys, I finally realized what I had been carrying for as long as I could remember... I missed my mother, I realized that knowing that she had passed and that I would never know her was embedded in my emotions and was causing me a constant feeling of loss and sadness.
I always imagined the same "birth mother" you described in your article. Beautiful, kind, perfect and completely opposite of my adoptive mom. After reading your experience I'm thinking maybe I'm better off not knowing. But I do know I missed her and I finally realized I would never get past the sadness and loss I felt until I greived. I allowed myself to feel, accept and grieve the loss of the mother I will never know. It was a hard process to go through but I now feel more peace inside. It's funny, but once I greived I felt more authentic and self accepting than I've ever felt before. I literally felt like I could be myself and not worry about those I love abandoning me. The grieving process helped me release the sadness and loss, its like it closed a door to a deep dark hole of despair.
I think it's important for adoptees to know that it's okay and necessary to grieve the loss of family and identity.
I am grateful for my adoptive parents, I know they did the best they knew how. I was given a good foundation to grow up in. But I never had support and nurture from my a mother, something I yearned for my whole life. I greived for the mother I imagined would have loved and nurtured me in the same manner I have loved and nurtured my own children and grandchildren.
Thank you again, Pamela. You are an amazing advocate for us all
Hello my dear friend,
Thank you so much for chiming in and sharing your thoughts here. I hear you and I feel your pain! I am so glad you were finally able to uncover what had been such a long time visitor and that is missing your mom! Why doesn't anyone help us acknowledge this when we are kids? What is so wrong with us wanting to miss our mothers? Literally, it's the most insane thing in the world to me. And I am so sorry for you and every adoptee that is denied this right. I am grateful once we piece things together and gain a glimmer of light that walks us out of the darkness. Grieving our losses is so extra important! Sending you lots of love! And mega hugs! <3
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