Life-Saving Medical History, Secrecy & Adoptees
Every lock and block set in play to keep an adoptee from their truth and medical history is an enormous injustice and atrocity to adopted individuals' healing, health, and happiness worldwide.
There is no love in withholding an adoptee’s medical history. Furthermore, it is not in the best interest of any child or adopted person not to gain access to their medical and health information. Every lock and block set in play to keep an adoptee from their truth and medical history is an enormous injustice and atrocity to adopted individuals' healing, health, and happiness worldwide.
When an adoptee's medical history is kept a secret, it can have significant negative consequences for everyone involved.
We all know that adoption has been around for centuries, and it is often seen as a way to provide a "better life" for children who, for various reasons, can't be raised by their biological parents. However, it's essential to acknowledge that adoption can't guarantee any adoptee a better life, only a different one.
While adoption can be a positive experience for many, a significant issue often goes unnoticed: the lack of access to medical history.
MY STORY
I was adopted in a closed adoption in 1974 in Iowa, and because of this, I was denied any of my medical history growing up and throughout most of my adult life. As a result, I experienced significant issues relating to having no medical health information from my biological family.
Growing up, I was often in and out of the hospital as a child for stomach-related issues. During that time, year after year, I underwent countless tests to determine what was bothering my stomach. This was unnecessary trauma in its own way. However, the only conclusion ever uncovered was lactose intolerance, which I believe was a small piece of what I might have been experiencing.
It made more sense to me to learn that many adopted children experience significant stomach issues in childhood from anxiety, relinquishment trauma, and lack of bonding with adopters. However, I am constantly wondering if I had my health history, would something else have come to light? Would the neverending testing have been nonexistent or minimal?
I started drinking alcohol at 12 years old to escape the reality of my life in my adoptive home. My alcohol-drinking career lasted 27 fu*king years until I learned my birth parents were alcoholics, and this truth rocked me to my core. Unfortunately, they didn’t raise me, but I still picked up the alcohol component.
I'll be damned if I die like them.
Like most adoptees, I had to fight like hell to gain this piece of my truth, and no one handed it to me. Once I learned the truth, I was able to accept that if I didn't evaluate and modify my relationship with alcohol, I was going to die like them. They both died alcoholics and miserable people. (I didn't love them any less, I am writing about this soon.)
I also learned well into my adult life that my maternal grandmother suffered significant mental health issues, which I considered when having and raising my children and when I experienced mental health struggles over the years. But unfortunately, I was left in the dark for most of my life.
Learning these hardcore truths saved my life. In return, it has impacted everyone who knows and loves me, especially my children and future grandchildren.
I can only imagine how much less suffering I would have encountered if I had had my medical history documented right in front of me from the moment I was adopted. Not to mention my fellow adoptees, who I know have suffered greatly.
Adoption Reality: I consider this treatment towards adoptees as inhuman, brutal, and torturous.
We often encounter situations where we must choose between the easy way out and the tough road ahead. It's human nature to choose the path of least resistance, but sometimes that path can lead us astray from the truth. I find this to be true in most adoptions today.
Co-signing for adoptees living a lie may seem comfortable at first. Still, it can ultimately lead to regret, disappointment, discontent, and a loss of respect for our birth parents and adopters. On the other hand, supporting truth and transparency in adoption, especially regarding medical history, may be hard to swallow initially. Still, it can lead to growth, learning, and a better understanding of each adopted person.
Our health & happiness depends on it.
Adopted children (who grow up into adults) often have little to no knowledge of their biological family's medical history, which can have severe consequences for their health. Without this information, adoptees may not know if they are at risk for certain genetic conditions or are predisposed to particular diseases. This lack of information can lead to misdiagnosis, delayed treatment, and even death.
MEDICAL HEALTH HISTORY: ADOPTED/UNKNOWN
Reasons that stand in the way of adoptees gaining access to our medical history:
Society, adoption agencies, attorneys, and advocates must acknowledge this is critical information, so they must fully understand the importance of adult adoptees' having access to our medical history.
Closed adoptions and our government co-sign for secrecy that promotes closed records that stand in the way of us gaining access to our medical history.
Our adoptive parents don't see the need as vital, so they don't push to gain access to our medical history. But, unfortunately, sometimes, they also lie and keep secrets.
Our birth parents don't see the need as critical, so they also co-sign for secrecy and continually keep secrets that prevent us from knowing our medical history and truth.
Our world celebrates adoption, and they refuse to acknowledge the underbelly of the loss of medical history that most adoptees are deprived of knowing. As a result, they lack compassion, understanding, and willingness to listen and learn from adult adoptees.
If you read this and think of more, please drop your thoughts in the comments below.
In some cases, adoptive parents and birth parents may feel pressure from society or family members to keep certain parts of the adoption and medical history hidden. While I understand they might have pure intentions, keeping secrets is never okay. Furthermore, keeping medical history secrets in adoption can only have significant negative consequences for everyone involved.
I am not the only adoptee negatively impacted by not knowing my medical history.
I asked a few fellow adoptees to chime in on how being deprived of their medical history has impacted them.
Here are 15 of their responses:
"Beginning in childhood, I have always had problems with my skin. I would constantly scratch and then develop ugly scars. Schoolchildren made fun of me, and my adoptive mother, in exasperation, would make me wear red or blue tights in the hot summer to cover up my legs and to stop scratching. Humiliating. As an adult, I have come to find out, after extensive questioning of my birth siblings, that my birth father had eczema, psoriasis, and vitiligo. It explains my psoriatic arthritis, too. A huge amount of heartache and resentment could have been avoided if only medical information had been shared by my birth parents with my adoptive parents. While not life-threatening. I would have appreciated knowing this and other information about my medical ancestry." - Paula C. S.
"I'm even in reunion and have had access to medical history. Yet I still have a hard time getting answers about family health. It's like trying to fill in Swiss Cheese. I'm also a grandchild of an adoptee from the baby scoop era, so half my medical history is nonexistent. As a result, I have had to essentially start over in my personal health journey and my children's health. It's taken years to find the help I needed for my health because I've had to prove with time something wasn't right." - Andie C.
"Being adopted, I never had any health history. I wasn't allowed to have my vital records until my mid 20's when the state of Tennessee permitted it. I reached out to my birth mother but was ignored. She died in 2016 from breast cancer. She had it twice for many years. Both of my sisters have double mastectomies. My birth mother never gave me this information. She ignored me her whole life. This information was something I needed. This should have been a crime, but this is adoption." - Lorah G.
"When I got my non-identifying information, my medical history showed a brother died of a disease as an infant. As it turns out, that may not be true, and they covered up a crime." - Anonymous Adoptee.
"I just missed my birth father by a few weeks. He died in his sleep of a heart attack at the same time we matched via DNA. He was only 69. His Father died of a heart attack while on the golf course at the age of 54. My Dad's sister also died unexpectedly of cardiac issues. This information could save my own life and that of my sons!" - Amy L.
"I insisted that my doctor referred me to start getting mammograms in my 30s because I had no medical history. When I found my first mother, I knew my years of insistence on getting mammograms made sense, as she had a mastectomy due to breast cancer. My inner wisdom was right." Janet N.
"I am dealing with major health conditions. From arthritis to autoimmune disease to spine issues, to name a few. Then finding out a biological aunt died from a similar condition. I could have gotten help at a younger age if I had known sooner. In turn, would have been able to prevent some of the agonizing pain." - Laurie L.
"I have had various screening tests performed early and more often before I knew my biological family. I have also had insurance deny coverage for testing because there was no family history "to justify it." - Lee M.
"I started writing about when I was 14 and went through medical testing writing my "family" medical history on every doctors form only to discover 21 years later they weren't my family (LDA)." - Ridghaus.
"I had no medical history growing up. However, I found out the hard way that I have a genetic blood clotting disorder when I had a stroke at 38 years old. My doctor had been prescribing me birth control pills, which increased the risk of blood clots. Thankfully, I fully recovered, but others are not so lucky." - Amanda A.
"I looked for my paternal family for over twenty years. Then, in late 2020 I learned that my Father, uncle, and grandfather had all died from heart attacks. My Dad was only 59; his brother was 64. I was 54 when I learned about the heart problems that ran in the family. My doctor's first act upon hearing this was to send me immediately to a cardiologist. For decades, my high blood pressure had been a mystery and a source of derision from my adoptive mother. I also learned of the serious mental illness that runs in the family, information that would have significantly impacted my decision to have children if I had known. My oldest inherited the schizophrenia, and the result has been tragic for him, us, and his children, who may one day exhibit the same illness." - The Adoption Files.
"This year, I finally made contact with my birth mother, requesting medical history information which she is not yet divulging. It's painful. I just had a screening for a life-changing medical condition which came back negative. However, the doctor sent me a letter advising me to get re-screened if anyone in my family develops the condition—a cruel reminder that I may never know." - Lauren M.
“I spent my life telling Doctors, “ I don’t know, I’m adopted. “ My Father’s side had weird things with their health. I have Cancer now, but nothing to do with them—just a lot of lack of guidance and being confused and messing up in life. I was a rebel, a fighter, and I am fighting like a mad dog now.” - Mary N.
“I have minimal medical history on either side. I feel angry when I have to fill out a form asking for the health of anyone but myself. I make a line across it and write ADOPTED/UNKNOWN. I also feel a little bit sick to my stomach, as I do just answering this question for you.” - Sophi F.
“I’ve had melanoma and STV, as well as a premature birth of twins at 29 weeks, with absolutely zero medical history information my entire life that could have been helpful to know and understand as I have navigated life with my doctors & adopters, assuming I am a “blank slate.” Aside from my own, I have no medical health history information to pass on to my children or grandchildren, and I have figured it out the hard way. Preventative measures for what? I have to know my family medical history in order to know what I am trying to prevent. ADOPTED/UNKNOWN is on every paper I fill out at the doctors. This doesn’t just impact me; it impacts future generations of my family. When is this cruelty going to end? ” - Janie P.
Special THANK YOU to each adoptee who submitted a quote for this article. Together, we’re raising our voices, and I appreciate you chiming in. Your experiences hold exceptional value to others, gaining a better understanding of the lived experiences of adopted people. Thank you!
Are you adopted and have a quote to share? Drop them in the comment section below!
THE TIME IS NOW BECAUSE ADOPTEES ARE DYING NOT KNOWING OUR MEDICAL HISTORY.
Adoptees must have access to their biological family's medical history to ensure they receive the best possible care throughout their lifetimes. Society, adoptive parents, and our birth parents should work together to advocate for this information and to provide this information to adopted people in a safe and supportive way. They should rally for truth and transparency in adoption. Otherwise, they are rallying for secrecy, a destructive force towards adopted people.
It's important to remember that the truth and transparency about medical history may not always be pleasant. Still, it's necessary for personal growth and development and our emotional, physical, and mental well-being. We must be willing to face the truth head-on, even if it's uncomfortable, to live a life of authenticity and integrity.
Additionally, It's important to note that keeping secrets in adoption can have negative consequences. For example, adoptees might feel a sense of betrayal or mistrust if they later discover that crucial medical history information was kept from them.
Ultimately, it's up to each family to decide what information to disclose and when. However, it's essential for everyone who supports adoption to consider the potential long-term effects of keeping medical history secrets or secrets at all.
KNOWING OUR MEDICAL HISTORY IS LIFE OR DEATH
Therefore, it is essential for all parties involved to be open and honest about the adoption process and any pertinent medical health history information. It could save an adoptee's life. In conclusion, learning the hardcore truth may be difficult, but it's worth learning it. It's better to face reality and grow from it than to live a life full of illusions and false perceptions, especially when it comes to an adoptee learning their life-saving medical history.
Adoption shouldn't exist or be supported without it.
Q & A
For my fellow adoptees, how has not having your medical history impacted you?
What have you done to try to get your medical history, and what was the result?
Has this reality impacted you and your children? If so, how? Drop your comments below!
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ADOPTEES
I hope where ever you are in your adoptee or adoption journey, you know you aren't alone. If you need someone to talk to, consider setting up a table talk chat with me. I have intentionally set aside this time to listen, hear and validate others who might need support. Click here to learn more.
If you are an adoptee who has made it this far, please know that you aren't alone, and how you feel is normal for a not-normal situation. Nothing is normal about being separated from our birth mothers and families at the beginning of life.
I have compiled a list of recommended resources for adoptees and advocates. You can find it here: Recommended Resources for Adult Adoptees and Adoption Advocates.
Thank you, I love you!
Understanding is Love,
Pamela A. Karanova
ASK ME ANYTHING COLUMN
Each month, all subscribers receive an “Ask Me Anything” newsletter — which will answer one or two adoptee-related questions from paid subscribers. Think: What adoptee healing tools have been the most valuable to you? How have you navigated the grief and loss process? What made you want to search for your biological family? How was your reunion once you searched? Do you regret searching? If you have a question for me, please email it to: pamelakaranova@gmail.com
Here are two recent questions:
When Speaking to Adoptive Parents About Adoption
Ways to Better Understand and Support Adopted Teens
Here are a few articles I recommend reading:
100 Heartfelt Transracial Adoptee Quotes that Honor the Truth of Adoption by Pamela A. Karanova & 100 Transracial Adoptees Worldwide
What Are the Mental Health Effects of Being Adopted? By Therodora Blanchfield, AMFT
10 Things Adoptive Parents Should Know – An Adoptee’s Perspective by Cristina Romo
Understanding Why Adoptees Are At A Higher Risk for Suicide by Maureen McCauley | Light of Day Stories
Toward Preventing Adoption- Related Suicide by Mirah Riben
Relationship Between Adoption and Suicide Attempts: A Meta-Analysis
Reckoning with The Primal Wound Documentary with a 10% off coupon code (25 available) “adopteesconnect”
Still, Grieving Adoptee Losses, What My Adoptive Parents Could Have Done Differently.