When adoptees open up about our feelings of grief and sadness, we are often times met with dismissiveness or even hostility. People tell us to be thankful for our Adoption and not dwell on the past.
Every day is painful for me. The past few years every time I wake up all that floods through my head is my natural family. Moring, middle of the night, after nodding off for just a few min. it dose not matter. I feel my heart and what is left of my soul is not just broken but smashed. I don't know if there is any hope for me, I sure have tried looking and finding some. Nothing has helped much of for long yet.
Hi A.J., I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain! I have so been there for most of my life, honestly. If no one else has told you, your feelings are perfectly normal for an abnormal and corrupt situation, and that is what so many adoptees experience being separated from their biological families. Have you been able to make the grief connection to be able to identify a very significant part of your feelings that could likely be you grieving? I have learned that once I made that connection in my own personal journey and started learning more about the grief process in relation to my journey, everything changed. Things started to get lighter. I would be happy to share more, but for now, I am sending you a big huge hug! I am so sorry! <3
I have not processed the grief bc no one understands how profound it is. Also, being an intercountry adoptee no one put the pieces of "having to learn a whole language and culture crash course' at 3 years old can traumatise a child. Something that has helped me is connecting with my Jewish ancestry and embracing my true self. and watching hockey and the parallels of being a foreign player in a new country is kind of like my own adoption. Thrust into a new world where you don't know what or where to go. And being alone in this weird world.
Good morning, Jacky. You said a mouthful! Most non-adopted people have no idea. Even some adoptees don't get it as well because they haven't made the connection. I am glad you have found some things to help you connect with your Jewish ancestry. Even when tons of people say, "you aren't alone," so many of us feel alone anyway. They will never understand that disconnect and how we feel it to the core of our being! Sending you so much love and kitty purrs, of course! <3
When I read your lists I couldn't believe how many of the items I could relate to. It explains so much. There is relief in knowing I am not alone in this. In my heart, I always knew I was dealing with grief but never having anyone acknowledge it, how does one process it? I was also shamed for saying I was adopted (even though I have adoption papers and my birth cert was changed). Since my mom didn't relinquish me, I felt my situation didn't count. Yet I have dealt with this grief and the manifestations of it my entire life. It wasn't until I was in my 40's that I began the process of healing. I'm 58 now and it was only this past year that a friend told me about "the adoption fog" so I began reading stories of adoptees, realizing that I could relate to many of the feelings and the things you write about. Thank you.
Every day is painful for me. The past few years every time I wake up all that floods through my head is my natural family. Moring, middle of the night, after nodding off for just a few min. it dose not matter. I feel my heart and what is left of my soul is not just broken but smashed. I don't know if there is any hope for me, I sure have tried looking and finding some. Nothing has helped much of for long yet.
Hi A.J., I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain! I have so been there for most of my life, honestly. If no one else has told you, your feelings are perfectly normal for an abnormal and corrupt situation, and that is what so many adoptees experience being separated from their biological families. Have you been able to make the grief connection to be able to identify a very significant part of your feelings that could likely be you grieving? I have learned that once I made that connection in my own personal journey and started learning more about the grief process in relation to my journey, everything changed. Things started to get lighter. I would be happy to share more, but for now, I am sending you a big huge hug! I am so sorry! <3
I have not processed the grief bc no one understands how profound it is. Also, being an intercountry adoptee no one put the pieces of "having to learn a whole language and culture crash course' at 3 years old can traumatise a child. Something that has helped me is connecting with my Jewish ancestry and embracing my true self. and watching hockey and the parallels of being a foreign player in a new country is kind of like my own adoption. Thrust into a new world where you don't know what or where to go. And being alone in this weird world.
Good morning, Jacky. You said a mouthful! Most non-adopted people have no idea. Even some adoptees don't get it as well because they haven't made the connection. I am glad you have found some things to help you connect with your Jewish ancestry. Even when tons of people say, "you aren't alone," so many of us feel alone anyway. They will never understand that disconnect and how we feel it to the core of our being! Sending you so much love and kitty purrs, of course! <3
When I read your lists I couldn't believe how many of the items I could relate to. It explains so much. There is relief in knowing I am not alone in this. In my heart, I always knew I was dealing with grief but never having anyone acknowledge it, how does one process it? I was also shamed for saying I was adopted (even though I have adoption papers and my birth cert was changed). Since my mom didn't relinquish me, I felt my situation didn't count. Yet I have dealt with this grief and the manifestations of it my entire life. It wasn't until I was in my 40's that I began the process of healing. I'm 58 now and it was only this past year that a friend told me about "the adoption fog" so I began reading stories of adoptees, realizing that I could relate to many of the feelings and the things you write about. Thank you.