I believe in the depth of your pain, the complexity of your journey, and your right to share your truth. You deserve to be heard, supported, and validated in ways the world has yet to give you.
Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I truly believe that if non-adoptees could embrace our experiences with more validation and understanding, we would begin to heal so much sooner. Instead, many of us have been made to feel crazy, bad, or wrong for sharing our truths, which only adds to our pain.
Your love letter resonates deeply with me, and I know it speaks to every adoptee out there. I’ve learned that I must give myself what the world often hasn’t—acknowledgment, compassion, and love. I wanted to extend that same warmth to you because you deserve it.
I love you and appreciate you for sharing your journey. Together, we can find healing. XOXO
I have tears reading your beautiful words. Thank you for your love and deep care, and yes, together we can find healing. Your work is an inspiration to me. Sending love to you Pamela❤️
As a closed infant adoptee I can not speak for all. But I know I am not an outlier in my feelings. I have 2 untimely deaths close to me related to adoption.
My 2nd born child's mother in-law was adopted and treated badly by many "loving" close family members. She was a mother of 3 twice divorced (not by her choice). She died in her car, in her driveway of a broken heart. Her heart was broken by a 9mm from a self inflicted gunshot wound to the chest.
My brother that was the next one born to my natural mother after me was buried alive / crushed in a trench by his step father who "adopted" him. This man was warned of the danger this earthworks presented by a fellow farmer / cousin from down the road. He ignored that warning and sent my brother into his grave. I was also told by that other farmer / cousin that my brother was never treated well by this "adoptive father". Likely even mistreated behind closed doors.
I have a song for you all. It can go from us adoptees to our 1st parents & families or the other way around. Take a listen if you are not familiar with it. Deep Purple's song Perfect Strangers from the same titled album. Give it a listen then check out the lyrics. Too much pain........
Thank you, Anthony, for sharing your powerful story. Your experiences reveal the deep pain that often exists within adoption, and I’m truly grateful for your openness. Hearing about the struggles your loved ones faced is heartbreaking, and it’s a reminder of how vital compassion and understanding are within our community.
I’m definitely going to listen to Deep Purple's *Perfect Strangers* and reflect on the lyrics—music can be such a profound way to connect with our experiences and express the feelings that words often can’t. I will also add it to the ARD Playlist, as I expect it to continue to grow each year!
Your voice matters, and I appreciate you shedding light on these painful truths. Together, we honor those we’ve lost and support each other in our journeys. Thank you for being part of this essential conversation. Sending you mega hugs! XOXO
Hi Sharon, You are more than welcome! I am always 100% down to support, validate, encourage, and acknowledge my fellow adoptees in their feelings and struggles. Hugs and love to you! Thank you for being on this journey with me! XOXO PK #adopteeloveforever
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For all your comprehensive resources and compassionate sharing. I so appreciate the light that you are! with blessings, love & gratitude, Poshora (Post re-union Adoptee)
Your words mean so much. I’m deeply grateful for your appreciation and for the blessings, love, and gratitude you’ve shared. It’s an honor to be part of this journey alongside you, and I’m so glad these resources and stories resonate. Sending blessings and love right back to you, fellow traveler! XOXO P.K #adopteeloveforever
Thank you so much! I’m truly grateful that it resonated with you. Knowing it brought some validation means a lot to me. Thank you for being here and sharing in this space. 🌻 XOXO #adopteeloveforever
I gave up my baby girl thirty eight years ago . I write about this in my book Whisper their names. The journey to grief after losing your child. I have thought of her and missed her everyday. I was fortunately able to find her and we communicate with photos and letters although we have never met. It was the hardest decision I ever made. Jennifer ( new member on Substack )
Hi Jennifer, thank you for sharing such a deeply personal part of your journey.
Your words are filled with so much love and courage. I can only imagine the weight of that decision and the years of longing and wondering that followed. How beautiful that you've been able to reconnect in some way, even if only through photos and letters. Your book, *Whisper Their Names*, sounds like a powerful tribute to the enduring bond between you and your daughter. Welcome to Substack—I’m honored to have you here. XOXO PK🌿
Thank-you! I wrote the book because so many people are silenced in their loss. I found this again when my second daughter was estranged during our divorce. The terrible shaming and other’s clear belief that this was “my fault”. The same happens to parents who have lost their children to murder, suicide or addiction. We can be so cruel to one another without ever seeking to understand one’s reasons or pain. I hope that although my daughter had to live a life without me… and we both missed out on so much… that she will never feel that giving her up was an act of abandonment. It was my ultimate gift of love. Jennifer
I wrote a very long post to you which just got eaten by my computer. Can you suggest an organization or group which might help me with a complicated re-reunion? I am a birth mother dealing with a very angry, sometimes irrational daughter, age 46. Has 2 children. She found me when she was 18. It's been on-again, off-again. I live in Michigan. She lives in Colorado, but grew up in Michigan.
I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you’re experiencing in your relationship with your daughter. It sounds like you’re both dealing with complex emotions and a dynamic that can be especially difficult in post-adoption reunions.
One organization that might be particularly helpful for you is Concerned United Birthparents (CUB). CUB focuses specifically on the experiences and support of birth parents and provides resources for navigating the emotional complexities of reunion relationships. They offer a space to share feelings, challenges, and insights, which could be beneficial as you work through this on-again, off-again connection with your daughter.
Even if CUB doesn’t have a chapter close to you, they offer online resources and can connect you with others who may be in a similar situation. Being part of a community that understands the unique challenges of birth parents in reunion can offer much-needed support, perspective, and encouragement.
In addition to CUB, consider looking for local support groups or even a therapist experienced with adoption and reunion dynamics, as they can provide both emotional support and tools to navigate these difficult interactions. Consider looking up Loraine Dusky, who's a birth mother. She has a book, and a website as well as a forum for birth mothers.
Also look up Saving Our Sisters, Renee Gelin is a great friend of mine. She might have some resources for you! I hope this helps! 🩵
Love the play list - a few overlaps with my own. Also:
alive Alone - chemical brothers with vocals by Beth Orton
pictures of You - the Cure
I see the Light - from the Tangled soundtrack
Unstoppable - Sia
✨💜✨
Thank you for this powerful and loving declaration. I can feel it in my body. Healing 🙏❤️
Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I truly believe that if non-adoptees could embrace our experiences with more validation and understanding, we would begin to heal so much sooner. Instead, many of us have been made to feel crazy, bad, or wrong for sharing our truths, which only adds to our pain.
Your love letter resonates deeply with me, and I know it speaks to every adoptee out there. I’ve learned that I must give myself what the world often hasn’t—acknowledgment, compassion, and love. I wanted to extend that same warmth to you because you deserve it.
I love you and appreciate you for sharing your journey. Together, we can find healing. XOXO
I have tears reading your beautiful words. Thank you for your love and deep care, and yes, together we can find healing. Your work is an inspiration to me. Sending love to you Pamela❤️
As a closed infant adoptee I can not speak for all. But I know I am not an outlier in my feelings. I have 2 untimely deaths close to me related to adoption.
My 2nd born child's mother in-law was adopted and treated badly by many "loving" close family members. She was a mother of 3 twice divorced (not by her choice). She died in her car, in her driveway of a broken heart. Her heart was broken by a 9mm from a self inflicted gunshot wound to the chest.
My brother that was the next one born to my natural mother after me was buried alive / crushed in a trench by his step father who "adopted" him. This man was warned of the danger this earthworks presented by a fellow farmer / cousin from down the road. He ignored that warning and sent my brother into his grave. I was also told by that other farmer / cousin that my brother was never treated well by this "adoptive father". Likely even mistreated behind closed doors.
I have a song for you all. It can go from us adoptees to our 1st parents & families or the other way around. Take a listen if you are not familiar with it. Deep Purple's song Perfect Strangers from the same titled album. Give it a listen then check out the lyrics. Too much pain........
Thank you, Anthony, for sharing your powerful story. Your experiences reveal the deep pain that often exists within adoption, and I’m truly grateful for your openness. Hearing about the struggles your loved ones faced is heartbreaking, and it’s a reminder of how vital compassion and understanding are within our community.
I’m definitely going to listen to Deep Purple's *Perfect Strangers* and reflect on the lyrics—music can be such a profound way to connect with our experiences and express the feelings that words often can’t. I will also add it to the ARD Playlist, as I expect it to continue to grow each year!
Your voice matters, and I appreciate you shedding light on these painful truths. Together, we honor those we’ve lost and support each other in our journeys. Thank you for being part of this essential conversation. Sending you mega hugs! XOXO
Thank you for your kindness and love for we adopted people.
Hi Sharon, You are more than welcome! I am always 100% down to support, validate, encourage, and acknowledge my fellow adoptees in their feelings and struggles. Hugs and love to you! Thank you for being on this journey with me! XOXO PK #adopteeloveforever
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! For all your comprehensive resources and compassionate sharing. I so appreciate the light that you are! with blessings, love & gratitude, Poshora (Post re-union Adoptee)
Thank you, Poshora!
Your words mean so much. I’m deeply grateful for your appreciation and for the blessings, love, and gratitude you’ve shared. It’s an honor to be part of this journey alongside you, and I’m so glad these resources and stories resonate. Sending blessings and love right back to you, fellow traveler! XOXO P.K #adopteeloveforever
Thank you Pamela. This is beautiful and validating.
Thank you so much! I’m truly grateful that it resonated with you. Knowing it brought some validation means a lot to me. Thank you for being here and sharing in this space. 🌻 XOXO #adopteeloveforever
I gave up my baby girl thirty eight years ago . I write about this in my book Whisper their names. The journey to grief after losing your child. I have thought of her and missed her everyday. I was fortunately able to find her and we communicate with photos and letters although we have never met. It was the hardest decision I ever made. Jennifer ( new member on Substack )
Hi Jennifer, thank you for sharing such a deeply personal part of your journey.
Your words are filled with so much love and courage. I can only imagine the weight of that decision and the years of longing and wondering that followed. How beautiful that you've been able to reconnect in some way, even if only through photos and letters. Your book, *Whisper Their Names*, sounds like a powerful tribute to the enduring bond between you and your daughter. Welcome to Substack—I’m honored to have you here. XOXO PK🌿
Thank-you! I wrote the book because so many people are silenced in their loss. I found this again when my second daughter was estranged during our divorce. The terrible shaming and other’s clear belief that this was “my fault”. The same happens to parents who have lost their children to murder, suicide or addiction. We can be so cruel to one another without ever seeking to understand one’s reasons or pain. I hope that although my daughter had to live a life without me… and we both missed out on so much… that she will never feel that giving her up was an act of abandonment. It was my ultimate gift of love. Jennifer
I wrote a very long post to you which just got eaten by my computer. Can you suggest an organization or group which might help me with a complicated re-reunion? I am a birth mother dealing with a very angry, sometimes irrational daughter, age 46. Has 2 children. She found me when she was 18. It's been on-again, off-again. I live in Michigan. She lives in Colorado, but grew up in Michigan.
Hi Karen,
I’m sorry to hear about the challenges you’re experiencing in your relationship with your daughter. It sounds like you’re both dealing with complex emotions and a dynamic that can be especially difficult in post-adoption reunions.
One organization that might be particularly helpful for you is Concerned United Birthparents (CUB). CUB focuses specifically on the experiences and support of birth parents and provides resources for navigating the emotional complexities of reunion relationships. They offer a space to share feelings, challenges, and insights, which could be beneficial as you work through this on-again, off-again connection with your daughter.
Even if CUB doesn’t have a chapter close to you, they offer online resources and can connect you with others who may be in a similar situation. Being part of a community that understands the unique challenges of birth parents in reunion can offer much-needed support, perspective, and encouragement.
In addition to CUB, consider looking for local support groups or even a therapist experienced with adoption and reunion dynamics, as they can provide both emotional support and tools to navigate these difficult interactions. Consider looking up Loraine Dusky, who's a birth mother. She has a book, and a website as well as a forum for birth mothers.
Also look up Saving Our Sisters, Renee Gelin is a great friend of mine. She might have some resources for you! I hope this helps! 🩵