Telling someone how they should refer to their biological or adoptive parents can feel intrusive and disrespectful, undermining their autonomy and personal journey.
Your writing reveals the pain you are experiencing and I am sending hugs. As the second /adoptive mother of two KADs I continue to learn about their world, even 40+ years in. The HAL you mention seem more appropriate for adult or at least young adult adoptees.
I continue to appreciate your writings on adoption and being an adoptee. It's like continuing education! I am a 66 year old adoptee (domestic, closed adoption). I have always and will continue to refer to the women who gave birth to me a.k.a. my birth mom. To your point, the use of birth mom for me was "given" to me based on the terminology used in the 1950's. Four years ago, thru Ancestry, I discovered a half sibling which led to the discovery that my birth mom is still alive. Upon this discovery, she confirmed my birth details to my half sibling and then said the door is closed never to be opened. At the end of the day, this woman is NOT my mom. For me (my choice) she is the woman who gave birth to me. She is not my mother. She did not mother me. She did not raise me. She did not nurture me.
Thank you for sharing your perspective and personal journey and I appreciate your kind words. Your insights are invaluable, and I deeply respect your choice of terminology and the feelings behind it. It's clear that the terminology we use is deeply personal and shaped by our unique experiences and the eras in which we grew up.
It's heartening to hear that you've found connections through Ancestry, even though the discovery came with its own set of complexities and boundaries. The relationship with our birth families can be incredibly nuanced and, as you've pointed out, the role of 'mother' is more than just biological; it encompasses nurturing, raising, and providing ongoing support and love.
Your story highlights an important aspect of the adoptee experience—how we define and relate to our biological and adoptive families can vary greatly and is influenced by many factors, including the circumstances of our adoption and our personal experiences.
Thank you for engaging with my writings and for contributing to this ongoing conversation. Your perspective enriches our understanding and helps others who might be navigating similar feelings. I hope you continue to find strength and clarity in your journey. <3
Your writing reveals the pain you are experiencing and I am sending hugs. As the second /adoptive mother of two KADs I continue to learn about their world, even 40+ years in. The HAL you mention seem more appropriate for adult or at least young adult adoptees.
Thank you, here's an article you might find helpful.
https://pamelakaranova.com/2022/12/04/100-heartfelt-transracial-adoptee-quotes-that-honor-the-truth-of-adoption/
I continue to appreciate your writings on adoption and being an adoptee. It's like continuing education! I am a 66 year old adoptee (domestic, closed adoption). I have always and will continue to refer to the women who gave birth to me a.k.a. my birth mom. To your point, the use of birth mom for me was "given" to me based on the terminology used in the 1950's. Four years ago, thru Ancestry, I discovered a half sibling which led to the discovery that my birth mom is still alive. Upon this discovery, she confirmed my birth details to my half sibling and then said the door is closed never to be opened. At the end of the day, this woman is NOT my mom. For me (my choice) she is the woman who gave birth to me. She is not my mother. She did not mother me. She did not raise me. She did not nurture me.
Thank you for sharing your perspective and personal journey and I appreciate your kind words. Your insights are invaluable, and I deeply respect your choice of terminology and the feelings behind it. It's clear that the terminology we use is deeply personal and shaped by our unique experiences and the eras in which we grew up.
It's heartening to hear that you've found connections through Ancestry, even though the discovery came with its own set of complexities and boundaries. The relationship with our birth families can be incredibly nuanced and, as you've pointed out, the role of 'mother' is more than just biological; it encompasses nurturing, raising, and providing ongoing support and love.
Your story highlights an important aspect of the adoptee experience—how we define and relate to our biological and adoptive families can vary greatly and is influenced by many factors, including the circumstances of our adoption and our personal experiences.
Thank you for engaging with my writings and for contributing to this ongoing conversation. Your perspective enriches our understanding and helps others who might be navigating similar feelings. I hope you continue to find strength and clarity in your journey. <3