Goodbye 2024: Embracing Lessons, Boundaries, and the Magic of A New Year
This has been a year of profound growth, unfiltered truths, and unforgettable moments I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.
As the year draws to a close, I find myself looking back on 2024 with a mixture of gratitude, exhaustion, and a fire that refuses to be extinguished. This has been a year of profound growth, unfiltered truths, and unforgettable moments I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.
If I could sum it all up, this is it: We don't owe our energy to anyone who doesn't honor our truth or want to hear our message, nor do we owe it to anyone who can't respect our boundaries.
The Challenge of Empathy and the Power of Understanding
One of the most crucial lessons I've learned is that not everyone has the ability or the willingness to step outside their own perspective and into someone else's shoes. Empathy, as simple as it sounds, is a radical act. It can mean the difference between someone receiving the message we're trying to share and outright rejecting it. Learning to navigate this divide has been essential for me as I continue speaking my truth as an adoptee.
A little empathy goes a long way, but the lack of it, especially from those outside the adoptee experience, can feel like a wall of indifference or even hostility. It's a stark reminder of why our voices matter so much. Understanding isn't just a nicety; it's an act of love. And it's that understanding that creates space for real connection, healing, and change.
This year, I've also come to understand that there's a distinct difference between someone who receives your message with an open heart and someone who refuses it outright. This isn't always about malice; often, it's about their inability to move beyond their own perspective. But recognizing this difference is critical. It's not my job or any adoptee's job to force someone to listen. What we can do is plant seeds of truth and hope they take root when the time is right.
Unforgettable Moments in NYC & Adoptees For Awareness Grant Partnership with S12F.
This year, I had one of the most extraordinary experiences of my life: meeting Jeffrey Leventhal of S12F in person, Sarah Reinhardt, and Louise Browne of Adoption: The Making of Me Podcast in New York City. We gathered alongside so many incredible adoptees from around the world, and the energy was nothing short of magical. These moments, standing shoulder to shoulder with those who genuinely get it, remind me of the power of our community. So many great memories were made, and I'll treasure them always.
The conversations we had, the laughter we shared, and the connections we forged are etched into my heart. Being in a room filled with adoptees who understand the complexities, joys, and pain of our shared experience was nothing short of transformative. It reminded me why I do this work, why I speak up, why I push boundaries, and why I refuse to stay silent.
This year has been a milestone for our Adoptees for Awareness grant partnership, as we were able to award 18 grants to adoptee-centric and family preservation organizations through the collaboration of Adoptees Connect, Inc. and Jeffrey Leventhal’s S12F. These grants have supported vital work in raising awareness, amplifying adoptee voices, and creating resources that directly benefit our community. Each grant represents an investment in the future of adoptee advocacy and education, helping to ensure that our stories are told and our needs are met. It’s been an incredible honor to contribute to this effort and witness the tangible impact these grants are making in creating meaningful change.
Balancing Adoptee Advocacy and Real-Life
But let me be honest: balancing the demands of adoptee advocacy with real life isn't easy. It's messy, it's exhausting, and sometimes, I get it wrong. Some regrets and challenges sometimes weigh on me when I've poured so much into this work that I've neglected other parts of my life. It's a dance I'm still learning, and I suspect I'll never perfect it. But if there's one thing I know, this work is worth it.
This year, I celebrated a milestone that felt both surreal and empowering, I turned 50 which I never thought I would live to see. Reaching this age has been a moment of reflection, gratitude, and truth-telling. It’s a reminder of the life I’ve lived, the lessons I’ve learned, and the strength I’ve gained through every challenge and triumph. Fifty feels like a badge of honor, a testament to the persistence and determination that have carried me through. I’ve never felt more unapologetically myself, more grounded in my purpose, or more committed to speaking my truth as an adoptee and advocate. Turning 50 isn’t just an age; it’s a statement that I’ve lived, I’ve fought, and I’m still here, ready to embrace all that’s to come. Here’s to this new chapter, one filled with even more courage, growth, and connection.
There have been moments when I've questioned whether I'm doing enough or making the impact I hope to make. And then, out of the blue, I'll receive a message from an adoptee who tells me how much my words or actions have meant to them. Those moments keep me going. They remind me that even when it feels like I'm shouting into the void, someone out there is listening.
My Memoir:
This year, I decided to pick up my memoir again, a project that has been years in the making. After much reflection, I renamed it “Born in the Shadows, Living in the Light: My Adoptee Epiphanies - The Fight of My Life.” This title captures the essence of my journey, the pain of the past, and the clarity I’ve gained through hard-fought realizations. The process of revisiting this work has been both challenging and rewarding, but I’m more committed than ever to bringing it to life. This isn’t just my story; it’s a testament to the resilience of adoptees everywhere and a guide for navigating the complexities of our truths. I’m excited to share it with the world in 2025, and I hope it will inspire, educate, and empower those who read it.
My Motto: Understanding Is Love
Every day, new articles are written, resources are created, and conversations are sparked to help adoptees understand themselves and one another. Adoptive parents and others in the adoption constellation are beginning to listen like never before. I'll never forget the hopelessness I felt in years past when I couldn't imagine this level of awareness. But something shifted. The collective voices of adoptees demanding change broke through the silence. It's far from perfect, but there's hope where there once was none.
Younger generations of adoptees will have a better life because of the older generations who raised hell along the way. To every adoptee out there raising hell: keep going. You're creating a world where understanding and love can finally take root. I could list endless names of adoptees who inspire me daily, and I hope you know who you are. Your work matters. You matter.
This year has also taught me the power of mutual understanding within the adoptee community. We may not always agree, and that's okay. What matters is that we continue to hold space for one another, listen with open hearts, and approach our differences with compassion. Understanding is love, and love is what binds us together in this shared journey.
The Luna Lounge: The Adoptee Sunrise Connection & Reflection Series Each Wednesday Morning.
Starting January 1st, I'm launching something close to my heart: the Adoptee Sunrise Connection & Reflection in the Luna Lounge. Each Wednesday, a new question will rise with the dawn, sparking dialogue and connection among adoptees. This is more than a chat; it's a sacred space to share our truths, reflect on our journeys, and support one another.
Here's what makes this space unique:
Thought-Provoking Starts: Each Wednesday morning, you'll receive a question designed to inspire and connect us.
Adoptee Only Sharing: While others in the adoption constellation are welcome to listen and learn to understand better, this is a sacred space for adoptees.
Heartfelt Support: You can share it if you are struggling with something. If you need advice, you can ask for it. Together, we can navigate this complex journey.
Affordable and Inclusive: For just $5 a month, you can access 100% of the exclusive Luna Lounge chat space; however, some chats are complimentary. If finances are a barrier, contact me for a free subscription. No adoptee will be turned away.
The Luna Lounge is a cozy, magical space exclusively for The Real Adoptea Moxie subscribers. Here, we'll create a nurturing environment for meaningful discussion and connection. Your story matters, and we listen.
The idea of launching this space came from my desire to create a consistent, nurturing environment for adoptees to explore their truths. There's something about a sunrise, that quiet moment of renewal and clarity, that feels so fitting for what we're trying to create. This isn't just a chat room; it's a space to be seen, heard, and understood.
Read More: Meet Me at The Luna Lounge: A Nostalgic Glow to Chat Rooms with an Adoptee Flair.
The True-to-Life Greeting Card Collection
This year also marked the launch of the True-to-Life Greeting Card Collection at The Real Adoptea Moxie Emporium. This collection is more than just paper and ink; it reflects our experiences as adoptees, raw, real, and unapologetically truthful. These cards are designed for adoptees, by an adoptee, to give voice to the emotions that so often go unspoken in our community.
Who is this collection for? It's for adoptees who want to express themselves authentically, for adoptive parents who are learning to listen and understand, and for anyone in the adoption constellation seeking to bridge the gap between silence and understanding. The collections are endless, and they are also for late discovery adoptees, NPEs, MPEs, DNA Surprises, and Donor Conceived Individuals and for anyone who knows and loves them. Each card is a small but powerful way to say, "I see you," "I hear you," or "I'm with you."
Why is this critical to our community? Because words matter. The right words can validate, heal, and connect us. They can also spark meaningful conversations, which is so overdue in the adoption constellation. This collection reminds us that our truths deserve to be shared and celebrated. It's a step toward breaking the silence and creating spaces where our voices can thrive.
Looking Back, Moving Forward
This year has taught me so much about boundaries, empathy, and the power of saying no. It's been a painful but necessary journey to step away from spaces and people that drain me and people who don't honor my truth. To anyone struggling with boundaries, here's your permission to prioritize your peace without guilt. Protecting your energy isn't selfish; it's essential.
As we move into 2025, I'm holding onto hope. I hope that we'll continue our advocacy work and make space for truth. I hope younger adoptees will grow up in a world where their voices are heard. I hope we'll keep creating pockets of understanding, love, and connection, one story, one conversation, one sunrise at a time.
As I reflect on this journey, I am deeply grateful for every one of my supporters, near and far. Whether you've shared kind words, stood beside me in solidarity, or taken the time to listen, please know that your presence and encouragement mean the world to me. You are the fuel that keeps me going, reminding me that this work matters and that none of us are alone in this fight. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for believing in me and being part of this incredible community. Together, we are making a difference.
To every supporter, friend, and fellow adoptee, thank you. You've made this year unforgettable. Here's to 2025, filled with healing, growth, and unapologetic self-love.
Let's do this.
RECOMMENDED RESOURCE
Through Substack, I’ve had the privilege of getting to know Logan, and we’ve built a meaningful connection of mutual support that has been truly uplifting. As you all know, supporting my fellow adoptees is something I’m deeply passionate about, so I’m thrilled to share Logan’s mindfulness workshop with you and her Substack: Lighthive. Her work is both inspiring and impactful, and I encourage you all to follow her on Substack to stay connected with her incredible insights and offerings. Let’s continue to support one another and lift up the voices in our community!
Adoptee Alchemy is an adoptee-only gathering to practice meditation and mindfulness facilitated by Logan Juliano, PhD. Logan is a queer, transracial adoptee, and mindfulness mentor.
📅 January 19, 2025
⏰ 4:00-5:15 PM PST
📍 Via Zoom
🎯 Theme: Reclamation and Renewal
No meditation experience needed! Participant testimonial in the Fireside Adoptees Facebook Group: "The language was adoptee-friendly and helped lift the congestion that is usually stuck. I wish I'd have learned to meditate with Logan, to begin with; it would have been an easier path than struggling through normal language." Link with more info and free registration (only for Pamela's readers!):
IT’S YOUR TURN TO SPILL THE TEA!
As we close out this reflection, I’d love to hear your thoughts on 2024 and the upcoming new year. What lessons have you learned this year about empathy, boundaries, or navigating complex relationships? How do you balance your personal truth with the expectations of others? For my fellow adoptees, what gives you hope as we continue to raise our voices and demand change? Share your experiences, your questions, and your insights. I value the dialogue we create together, and your voice matters here. Let’s keep the conversation going!
I see you; I feel your pain for all the adoptees who feel forgotten, lost, and alone. Please don’t give up, and know you aren’t alone in feeling like you do.
If you are a USA adoptee experiencing a mental health crisis, please take immediate steps to ensure your safety. Contact a licensed mental health professional or text #988 for immediate assistance.
For adoptees around the globe, please reach out to The Mental HeaHelplines: International Global Help Hotline Directory here.
I have compiled a list of recommended resources for adoptees and advocates. It can be found here: Recommended Resources for Adult Adoptees and Adoption Advocates.
Thank you for reading and for supporting me and my work.
Understanding is Love,
Pamela A. Karanova
Here are a few articles that highlight the intersection of adoption, grief and loss I recommend reading:
The Essential Role of The Grief Recovery Method in The Adoption Constellation.
Still, Grieving Adoptee Losses, What My Adoptive Parents Could Have Done Differently.
Acknowledging Immeasurable Adoptee Grief, The Real Mother.
When Adoptees Know Loss Before We Know Love.
Bewildering Adoptee Grief on Infinite Repeat.
30 Things To Consider Before Adopting From An Adult Adoptee Perspective.
Adoptee Holiday Grief, The Gift That Keeps On Giving.
Adoption Hasn’t Touched Me. It’s Ruthlessly Kicked My Ass.
Adoption: Mislabeled, Medicated, & Diagnosed Adoptees Could Be Grieving Profoundly.
Adoption: Deconstructing Harmful Myths We've Learned About Adoptee Grief.
Grief From Adoption? Most People Think Of Death and Dying When They Think of Grief.
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I'm grateful to have discovered your work in 2024. It's been a true gift.
Also love the new profile pic!! You look so gorgeously happy.