The Love Bombing Tactics of Adoption Agencies, Brave Love, and Crisis Pregnancy Centers
To understand how these organizations exploit love bombing, it's essential to delve into their methods and examine their impact on mothers and children.
In recent years, adoptees and mothers have stepped forward to share their stories, pulling back the curtain on the often painful realities of adoption. One tactic that has gained particular attention is "love bombing," a psychological manipulation tool commonly employed by adoption agencies, organizations like Brave Love, and crisis pregnancy centers. Love bombing involves overwhelming someone with attention, affection, and promises to gain their trust and, ultimately, their compliance. In the context of adoption, it is aimed at vulnerable pregnant women, often those who are young, single, or financially struggling, to persuade them to relinquish their infants.
This topic is deeply personal because I passionately advocate for family preservation. I have witnessed far too many vulnerable mothers lured into the adoption industry under the guise of love and support, only to be left with a lifetime of pain and regret. At the same time, their children bear the invisible wounds of separation. I know the devastation this causes because I have felt the insidious sting of love bombing in my own life—in church and religious spaces, where manipulation was cloaked as kindness, and even within the adoption community, where I expected solidarity but instead encountered empty flattery with hidden motives.
Love bombing is something I can sense a mile away; its sweetness is laced with harm, and its promises are hollow. I've felt the betrayal and heartbreak that comes when trust is shattered, and it's a pain I would never wish on another. I speak out—because no mother or child deserves to be caught in the web of deceit spun by an industry that profits off their most sacred bond.
Behind the layers of affection and reassurance lies a more sinister motive: the immense profit potential of a "womb-wet" infant—a term used to describe newborns ready for immediate adoption. To understand how these organizations exploit love bombing, it's essential to delve into their methods and examine their impact on mothers and children. Equally important, however, is understanding why expectant mothers should seek out the voices of adult adoptees, who can provide invaluable insight into the long-term consequences of adoption.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is a tactic commonly associated with controlling relationships and manipulative organizations, such as cults. It creates an artificial sense of connection through excessive flattery, attention, and promises, making the target feel special and indebted. In the adoption context, love bombing builds a temporary bond between the pregnant woman and the adoption agency or center. The goal is to exploit the mother's vulnerabilities and convince her to relinquish her child. Tragically, this bond often vanishes once the adoption is finalized, leaving the mother unsupported and heartbroken.
How Love Bombing is Used to Manipulate Pregnant Women
Promises of a "Better Life" for the Baby
One of the most effective love bombing tactics is convincing mothers that adoption will give their child a "better life." Agencies frame adoption as the ultimate act of love and sacrifice, illuminating the word "selfless" while subtly or explicitly implying that parenting is selfish or inadequate. This messaging taps into a mother's insecurities and fears, making her believe she cannot provide for her child as well as an adoptive family could. The narrative of being “not enough” often isolates mothers from considering alternative solutions that might enable them to parent.
Financial and Material Support
Crisis pregnancy centers and adoption agencies often lure pregnant women with offers of housing, financial aid, and medical care. While these supports can feel like lifelines, they are often conditional and short-lived. Once the relinquishment papers are signed, the financial and emotional safety net disappears. What appeared as genuine care is revealed as a calculated move to secure the infant.
Praise for Her “bravery"
Organizations like Brave Love reinforce the notion that choosing adoption is a heroic act. Mothers are showered with praise and labeled “brave” and “selfless,” creating a sense of pride in a decision they may later regret. This praise often serves to mask the emotional toll and loss inherent in adoption, replacing genuine support with hollow validation.
False Promises of Open Adoption
To soften the blow of relinquishment, agencies often promise open adoptions, suggesting that the mother will maintain contact with her child. However, most open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable, leaving mothers with little recourse if contact is restricted or cut off entirely. Let me be transparent: I have heard over and over that adoptive parents close the open adoption, backing out of the agreed plan. The illusion of an ongoing relationship becomes another tool to encourage mothers to sign away their parental rights.
Counseling with a Hidden Agenda
Many agencies and crisis pregnancy centers provide counseling that appears supportive but is designed to steer the mother toward adoption. These counselors are often employed by the agencies themselves, and their primary goal is not to explore all options but to secure the infant for adoption. Mothers are subtly conditioned to view single parenting as undesirable and adoption as the most loving choice.
Religious or Moral Pressure
The era of shaming unwed mothers may be somewhat behind. Still, the adoption industry continues to exploit societal and cultural ideals about family structure to pressure vulnerable mothers into relinquishment. By promoting the belief that a two-parent household—especially one formed by a married couple—is the “best” environment for a child, adoption agencies and religious organizations subtly undermine a mother’s confidence in her ability to parent. This narrative taps into deeply ingrained moral and social values, framing adoption as a practical solution and a morally superior choice.
Religious organizations often align this messaging with the idea of God’s will, portraying adoption as a righteous path for a mother who wants to “do what’s best” for her child. Pregnant women seeking spiritual guidance are often told that placing their child for adoption is an act of selflessness and obedience to divine wisdom. This adds a powerful layer of moral manipulation to their already overwhelming pressure.
By casting single motherhood as inadequate or less desirable, these organizations perpetuate a narrative that erodes the mother’s confidence and leads her to question whether keeping her child is even a viable option. This tactic, while cloaked in love and support, ultimately prioritizes the adoption industry’s multi-billion dollar, unregulated agenda over the mother’s well-being and autonomy.
Creating a Sense of Urgency
Agencies often stress the immediacy of making a decision, citing waiting for adoptive families or potential harm to the baby if the decision is delayed. This urgency prevents mothers from thoroughly considering their options and increases the likelihood of hasty decisions driven by fear rather than careful thought.
Isolation from Alternative Perspectives
These organizations frequently discourage pregnant women from seeking outside advice, framing family and friends as unsupportive or judgmental. By isolating mothers from other perspectives, they create an echo chamber where adoption appears to be the only viable solution.
The Financial Motive Behind Love Bombing
At its core, love bombing is not about care or compassion but profit. Adoption is a multi-billion-dollar industry where healthy newborn infants are highly sought after. Adoptive parents often pay tens of thousands of dollars in fees, creating a lucrative market for agencies. The financial incentives are so significant that many agencies actively recruit pregnant women, using love bombing to secure a steady supply of infants.
The racial dynamics of this system are particularly disturbing. White infants are often priced higher than Black and Brown babies, exposing the deep-seated biases and commodification inherent in the adoption industry. This pricing disparity reduces human lives to commodities, with value assigned based on market demand.
Why Expectant Mothers Should Seek Out Adult Adoptee Voices
While agencies and organizations often dominate the conversation, the voices of adult adoptees are crucial to understanding the lifelong impact of adoption. These individuals bring a unique perspective, having lived the experiences that result from decisions made during pregnancy. Their insights are invaluable for expectant mothers trying to make informed choices.
Lived Experience of Adoption
Adoptees often share stories of the deep sense of loss they feel, even in the most loving adoptive homes. This loss is rooted in the severance of their first family, the erasure of cultural and genetic ties, and the lack of access to their full identity. They also reveal struggles with self-esteem, feelings of abandonment, and the emotional toll of being raised apart from their biological roots.
Empathy and Advocacy for Family Preservation
Many adoptees advocate for family preservation whenever possible, highlighting that adoption often addresses symptoms of systemic issues like poverty or lack of support rather than solving them. They can guide mothers to resources that may enable them to parent, challenging the narrative that adoption is the only loving choice.
Where to Find Adoptee Voices
Expectant mothers can find adoptee perspectives through books, podcasts, blogs, and social media. Titles like The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier and platforms like Adoptees On provide firsthand accounts of adoption complexities. Hashtags like #AdopteeVoices and #AdopteeStories can connect mothers to unfiltered adoptee perspectives online. At the bottom of this article, I have a comprehensive list of recommended resources for mothers considering adoption and prospective adoptive parents and adoptees.
Recognizing Love Bombing and Finding Genuine Support
Understanding the tactics of love bombing and incorporating adoptee perspectives equips expectant mothers to make more informed, empowered decisions. Here's how to navigate the noise:
Reach Out To Saving Our Sisters - Renee Gelin is a personal friend, and she is doing fantastic work at Saving Our Sisters. Do not consider an adoption plan without speaking to her first.
Seek Independent Counseling: Choose a counselor unaffiliated with adoption agencies or crisis pregnancy centers.
Build a Support Network: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or support groups.
Research Open Adoption Agreements: Understand their limitations and legal realities.
Listen to Adoptee Voices. They provide balanced insights on the long-term impact of adoption. For the holidays, gift my newsletter to as many people as you know. If so many people believe that adoption is love, then so is understanding adoptees.
The narrative of love in adoption is one of the greatest deceptions of the industry. Love bombing paints relinquishment as an ultimate act of love, but for many adoptees, the reality is starkly different. Most of us don’t feel like love is why our biological mothers gave us away. Handing your child over to strangers who paid a cash price—stacked with fees and agency profits—doesn’t feel like love; it feels like abandonment, like a transaction that reduces human connection to a commodity.
Love isn’t signing papers under pressure or being told you’re “not enough” for your own child. Love is fighting like hell to keep and raise your child, no matter how hard it gets. Love is finding the resources, building the support, and staying in the battle even when the odds are against you. That’s what love feels like. The industry’s narrative of love is hollow and cruel, and it leaves adoptees with wounds that no amount of sugar-coated language can ever heal.
The love bombing tactics of adoption agencies, organizations like Brave Love, and crisis pregnancy centers reveal a profoundly flawed system driven by profit rather than compassion. By seeking out adoptee voices and understanding the full scope of adoption's impact, expectant mothers can reclaim their autonomy and ensure their decisions are grounded in truth. Adoption should never be a rushed, pressured choice, and genuine support must prioritize the well-being of both mother and child over financial gain.
EXCITING NEWS: My memoir is closer than ever to completion, and it’s undergone a bold transformation! After 15 years of writing, rewriting, and navigating all the twists and turns life as an adoptee threw my way, I’ve given it a fresh new name and direction. Introducing: Born in the Shadows, Living in the Light: My Adoptee Epiphanies - The Fight of My Life. It’s been an incredible journey balancing my own story, advocacy work, and the ongoing epiphanies that have reshaped my perspective on adoption.
This memoir is a two-part adventure: the first half dives deep into my personal story, a raw and unfiltered look at life as an adoptee. The second half is packed with my adoptee epiphanies—life lessons gathered along the way, shared with honesty and heart. It’s been a labor of love, determination, and discovery, and I can’t wait to share it with you all! Stay tuned for updates on pre-orders, sneak peeks, and behind-the-scenes moments as I get ready to launch this long-awaited project. Let’s make this final stretch fun—follow along and join me for the ride!
If you don’t follow my Facebook Author page, I have revamped things and am back in business! Please follow me (link below) for the latest news on my memoir!
I see you; I feel your pain for all the adoptees who feel forgotten, lost, and alone. Please don’t give up, and know you aren’t alone in feeling like you do.
If you are a USA adoptee experiencing a mental health crisis, please take immediate steps to ensure your safety. Contact a licensed mental health professional or text #988 for immediate assistance.
For adoptees around the globe, please reach out to The Mental Health Helplines: International Global Help Hotline Directory here.
I have compiled a list of recommended resources for adoptees and advocates. It can be found here: Recommended Resources for Adult Adoptees and Adoption Advocates.
Thank you for reading and for supporting me and my work.
Understanding is Love,
Pamela A. Karanova
Here are a few articles that highlight the intersection of adoption, grief and loss I recommend reading:
The Essential Role of The Grief Recovery Method in The Adoption Constellation.
Still, Grieving Adoptee Losses, What My Adoptive Parents Could Have Done Differently.
Acknowledging Immeasurable Adoptee Grief, The Real Mother.
When Adoptees Know Loss Before We Know Love.
Bewildering Adoptee Grief on Infinite Repeat.
30 Things To Consider Before Adopting From An Adult Adoptee Perspective.
Adoptee Holiday Grief, The Gift That Keeps On Giving.
Adoption Hasn’t Touched Me. It’s Ruthlessly Kicked My Ass.
Adoption: Mislabeled, Medicated, & Diagnosed Adoptees Could Be Grieving Profoundly.
Adoption: Deconstructing Harmful Myths We've Learned About Adoptee Grief.
Grief From Adoption? Most People Think Of Death and Dying When They Think of Grief.
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I look forward to reading your memoir, Pamela! Sadly, the adoptees I know parrot the "selfless act" and "bravery" memes about that you write about.